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One day this girl was talking to her friend and she said to her, "My boyfriend bought me flowers for Valentines day this year so I guess I have to put my legs in the air for him.", and her friend replied, "Why? Don't you have a vase?"
LOL maltee jajajajajajja one good :D
Quote
One day this girl was talking to her friend and she said to her, "My boyfriend bought me flowers for Valentines day this year so I guess I have to put my legs in the air for him.", and her friend replied, "Why? Don't you have a vase?"
LOL maltee jajajajajajja one good :D
Quote
Created by:
malteeser
10/3/13 @ 7:32am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
God said to Adam, "I've got some good news and some bad news. First the good news. I have given you a brain and a penis. The bad news... I've only given you enough blood to work one of them at a time!"
Quote
Put ur joke here and smile:
Weight Loss
A guy badly needs to lose weight.
He reads a weight loss advert on newspaper.
He goes to the place.
The secretary explains:
There are 3 options Option 1 for $50, 2 for $100 and 3 for $150.
He chooses Option 1.
Go to the elevator and press number 1.
On Level 1, he finds a pretty girl.
Now you run after me. If you catch me you will fuck me.
And he ran after girl, caught her and fucked her.
And he lost weight!
:D :D
Second week.
He chooses Option 2.
Press 2 on the elevator.
On Level 2, he finds another girl, prettier and younger.
You run after me. If you catch me, I will let you fuck me.
And he ran after the girl, caught and fucked the girl.
And he loses more weight.
Third week.
This time he goes to the top choice number 3.
Elevator. Press Button number 3.
He goes to level 3 to find a big guy, all muscles.
Now you run coz if I catch you, I will fuck you!
jajajajajajajaja lol, good joke :D Quote
Weight Loss
A guy badly needs to lose weight.
He reads a weight loss advert on newspaper.
He goes to the place.
The secretary explains:
There are 3 options Option 1 for $50, 2 for $100 and 3 for $150.
He chooses Option 1.
Go to the elevator and press number 1.
On Level 1, he finds a pretty girl.
Now you run after me. If you catch me you will fuck me.
And he ran after girl, caught her and fucked her.
And he lost weight!
:D :D
Second week.
He chooses Option 2.
Press 2 on the elevator.
On Level 2, he finds another girl, prettier and younger.
You run after me. If you catch me, I will let you fuck me.
And he ran after the girl, caught and fucked the girl.
And he loses more weight.
Third week.
This time he goes to the top choice number 3.
Elevator. Press Button number 3.
He goes to level 3 to find a big guy, all muscles.
Now you run coz if I catch you, I will fuck you!
jajajajajajajaja lol, good joke :D Quote
Stealing this one from the Games Forum where it was posted by Suggs.
A woman was having sex in an apartment 20 floors high with another man. She then heard her husband coming she told her lover to stay like a robot and not to move.
Husband: What is this?
Wife: This is a robot, I bought to have sex with when you are travelling
Husband: OkayLets have sex now
Wife: No sweetheart yesterday I got my period, so I will go and make a cup of coffee for you
After she left the husband said: Damn I am so horny, I will fuck this robothe tried fucking. The man started talking in a metallic robotic way
SYSTEM ERRORWRONG HOLE SYSTEM ERROR WRONG HOLE
Husband: Damn robot is not working properlyI am throwing it out of the windowThe man realized that he was on the 20th floor and said
SOFTWARE UPDATEDPLEASE TRY AGAIN Quote
A woman was having sex in an apartment 20 floors high with another man. She then heard her husband coming she told her lover to stay like a robot and not to move.
Husband: What is this?
Wife: This is a robot, I bought to have sex with when you are travelling
Husband: OkayLets have sex now
Wife: No sweetheart yesterday I got my period, so I will go and make a cup of coffee for you
After she left the husband said: Damn I am so horny, I will fuck this robothe tried fucking. The man started talking in a metallic robotic way
SYSTEM ERRORWRONG HOLE SYSTEM ERROR WRONG HOLE
Husband: Damn robot is not working properlyI am throwing it out of the windowThe man realized that he was on the 20th floor and said
SOFTWARE UPDATEDPLEASE TRY AGAIN Quote
Created by:
malteeser
10/4/13 @ 6:33am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Three nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes because of the heat. Not an unusual habit on a hot day. So about a half hour later, the door bell rings while their robes are slumped over pews clear across the huge chapel.
They ask who it is. "The blind man," a voice replies.
The three nuns decide to simply open the door because the man is blind. He walks in, looks at the nuns and says, "Nice tits! Where do you want me to install these blinds?" Quote
They ask who it is. "The blind man," a voice replies.
The three nuns decide to simply open the door because the man is blind. He walks in, looks at the nuns and says, "Nice tits! Where do you want me to install these blinds?" Quote
Created by:
lickau
10/6/13 @ 1:20pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285
- Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house.
- Sex on beach is like American beer; fuckin' near water!
- It takes many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
- An egotist is a person more interested in himself than in me.
- A transvestite is a man who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
- A good life is like toilet paper ... Long and useful.
- An impotent loser is a man who can't even get his hopes up.
Quote
- Sex on beach is like American beer; fuckin' near water!
- It takes many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
- An egotist is a person more interested in himself than in me.
- A transvestite is a man who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
- A good life is like toilet paper ... Long and useful.
- An impotent loser is a man who can't even get his hopes up.
Quote
Great theme! hahahaha
Quote
Created by:
malteeser
10/7/13 @ 4:18am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A 16-year-old girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party by herself. Since she was very good-looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her. Her mom said, "It's very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?' That'll scare them off." So off she went. After a little while at the party, a boy started dancing with her, and little by little he started kissing her and touching her. She asked him, "What will our baby be called?" The boy found some excuse and disappeared. Some time later, the same thing happened again: a boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders... She stopped him and asked about the baby's name, and he ran off.
Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?" He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. "What will our baby be called?" she asked once more. He began to have sex with her. "What will our baby be called?!" she asked again. After he was done, he took off his "full" condom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one... David Copperfield! Quote
Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?" He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. "What will our baby be called?" she asked once more. He began to have sex with her. "What will our baby be called?!" she asked again. After he was done, he took off his "full" condom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one... David Copperfield! Quote
A 16-year-old girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party by herself. Since she was very good-looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her. Her mom said, "It's very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?' That'll scare them off." So off she went. After a little while at the party, a boy started dancing with her, and little by little he started kissing her and touching her. She asked him, "What will our baby be called?" The boy found some excuse and disappeared. Some time later, the same thing happened again: a boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders... She stopped him and asked about the baby's name, and he ran off.
Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?" He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. "What will our baby be called?" she asked once more. He began to have sex with her. "What will our baby be called?!" she asked again. After he was done, he took off his "full" condom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one... David Copperfield!
JAJAJAJAJAJAJJA the best of this forum DIABLO
Quote
Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?" He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. "What will our baby be called?" she asked once more. He began to have sex with her. "What will our baby be called?!" she asked again. After he was done, he took off his "full" condom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one... David Copperfield!
JAJAJAJAJAJAJJA the best of this forum DIABLO
Quote
Created by:
malteeser
10/8/13 @ 12:53pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Five Catholic men were having coffee.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone fifth Catholic man was sipping his coffee in silence, the four men give him a subtle, "Well....?"
He proudly replies, "I have a son. He is a stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God." Quote
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone fifth Catholic man was sipping his coffee in silence, the four men give him a subtle, "Well....?"
He proudly replies, "I have a son. He is a stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God." Quote
Created by:
malteeser
10/9/13 @ 6:36am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Pedro was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila."
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Pedro looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one." Quote
Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila."
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Pedro looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one." Quote
Put ur joke here and smile:
Weight Loss
A guy badly needs to lose weight.
He reads a weight loss advert on newspaper.
He goes to the place.
The secretary explains:
There are 3 options Option 1 for $50, 2 for $100 and 3 for $150.
He chooses Option 1.
Go to the elevator and press number 1.
On Level 1, he finds a pretty girl.
Now you run after me. If you catch me you will fuck me.
And he ran after girl, caught her and fucked her.
And he lost weight!
:D :D
Second week.
He chooses Option 2.
Press 2 on the elevator.
On Level 2, he finds another girl, prettier and younger.
You run after me. If you catch me, I will let you fuck me.
And he ran after the girl, caught and fucked the girl.
And he loses more weight.
Third week.
This time he goes to the top choice number 3.
Elevator. Press Button number 3.
He goes to level 3 to find a big guy, all muscles.
Now you run coz if I catch you, I will fuck you!
jajajaja ,good lol Quote
Weight Loss
A guy badly needs to lose weight.
He reads a weight loss advert on newspaper.
He goes to the place.
The secretary explains:
There are 3 options Option 1 for $50, 2 for $100 and 3 for $150.
He chooses Option 1.
Go to the elevator and press number 1.
On Level 1, he finds a pretty girl.
Now you run after me. If you catch me you will fuck me.
And he ran after girl, caught her and fucked her.
And he lost weight!
:D :D
Second week.
He chooses Option 2.
Press 2 on the elevator.
On Level 2, he finds another girl, prettier and younger.
You run after me. If you catch me, I will let you fuck me.
And he ran after the girl, caught and fucked the girl.
And he loses more weight.
Third week.
This time he goes to the top choice number 3.
Elevator. Press Button number 3.
He goes to level 3 to find a big guy, all muscles.
Now you run coz if I catch you, I will fuck you!
jajajaja ,good lol Quote
Created by:
malteeser
10/10/13 @ 3:01am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A wife went in to see a t h e r a p i s t and said, "I've got a big problem doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell."
"My dear," the doctor said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem," she complained, "is that it wakes me up." Quote
"My dear," the doctor said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem," she complained, "is that it wakes me up." Quote
Created by:
malteeser
10/10/13 @ 3:48am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
One in Spanish for my friends in Colombia:
Un borracho esta orinando en una esquina y un ciego al pasar le pone la mano en su pene. El borracho dice:
- Eeeeehhhhh que pasa ciego ?
Y el ciego responde:
- Disculpe seor, acaso este es un pasa-manos ?
- No hombre, este es un pasa-Anos
Quote
Un borracho esta orinando en una esquina y un ciego al pasar le pone la mano en su pene. El borracho dice:
- Eeeeehhhhh que pasa ciego ?
Y el ciego responde:
- Disculpe seor, acaso este es un pasa-manos ?
- No hombre, este es un pasa-Anos
Quote
A 16-year-old girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party by herself. Since she was very good-looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her. Her mom said, "It's very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?' That'll scare them off." So off she went. After a little while at the party, a boy started dancing with her, and little by little he started kissing her and touching her. She asked him, "What will our baby be called?" The boy found some excuse and disappeared. Some time later, the same thing happened again: a boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders... She stopped him and asked about the baby's name, and he ran off.
Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?" He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. "What will our baby be called?" she asked once more. He began to have sex with her. "What will our baby be called?!" she asked again. After he was done, he took off his "full" condom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one... David Copperfield!
Hahahahaha the best joke !! Quote
Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?" He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. "What will our baby be called?" she asked once more. He began to have sex with her. "What will our baby be called?!" she asked again. After he was done, he took off his "full" condom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one... David Copperfield!
Hahahahaha the best joke !! Quote
Created by:
malteeser
10/11/13 @ 7:51am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma." Quote
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma." Quote
Created by:
malteeser
10/14/13 @ 5:03am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever".
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!" Quote
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!" Quote
Created by:
malteeser
10/15/13 @ 7:34am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Three boys received their grades from their female sex education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F. "One day we should get her for this," said the first boy. "I agree. We will grab her..." said the second. "Yeah," said the third. "And then we'll kick her in the nuts!"
Quote
Created by:
malteeser
10/16/13 @ 5:23am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
Quote
Created by:
malteeser
10/16/13 @ 5:25am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."
Quote
