Forum Topics
Male Performer Chat: Laughter is the best Medicine
Created by:
malteeser
8/16/13 @ 12:59pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Men and directions!
A little boy was waiting on his mother to come out of a store. As he waited, he
was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the post office
is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure, just go straight down the street a couple of
blocks and turn to your right."
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new preacher in town, and I'd
like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."
The little boy replied with a chuckle, "Awww, come on; you don't even know the
way to the post office!"
Quote
A little boy was waiting on his mother to come out of a store. As he waited, he
was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the post office
is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure, just go straight down the street a couple of
blocks and turn to your right."
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new preacher in town, and I'd
like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."
The little boy replied with a chuckle, "Awww, come on; you don't even know the
way to the post office!"
Quote
Created by:
jasonknightga
8/16/13 @ 2:18pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: georgia, USA
Posts: 8
I was in the public toilets and had just sat down,
a voice from the next cubicle said Hi!, how are you?
Embarrassed, I said, Im doing fine.
The voice said So what are you up to?.
I said, Just doing the same as you, sitting here!.
From next door, Can I come over?.
Annoyed, I said, "rather busy right now.
The voice said, Listen, I will have to call you back,
theres an idiot next door answering all my questions" Quote
a voice from the next cubicle said Hi!, how are you?
Embarrassed, I said, Im doing fine.
The voice said So what are you up to?.
I said, Just doing the same as you, sitting here!.
From next door, Can I come over?.
Annoyed, I said, "rather busy right now.
The voice said, Listen, I will have to call you back,
theres an idiot next door answering all my questions" Quote
Created by:
malteeser
8/17/13 @ 5:30am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A guy named Bob works at a deli. One day he goes to his doctor and says "Doc, I really want to stick my dick in the pickle slicer" The doctors responds with "No dont it will hurt and you will never lose your virginty! "Hey I have had sex before" And with that he leave's. The next day Bob comes back and says "Doc I did it" The doctor says"well are you ok?" "Im fine but I was fired" "what about the pickle slicer?" The doctor asks "she was fired too!
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I was in the public toilets and had just sat down,
a voice from the next cubicle said Hi!, how are you?
Embarrassed, I said, Im doing fine.
The voice said So what are you up to?.
I said, Just doing the same as you, sitting here!.
From next door, Can I come over?.
Annoyed, I said, "rather busy right now.
The voice said, Listen, I will have to call you back,
theres an idiot next door answering all my questions"
)
Quote
a voice from the next cubicle said Hi!, how are you?
Embarrassed, I said, Im doing fine.
The voice said So what are you up to?.
I said, Just doing the same as you, sitting here!.
From next door, Can I come over?.
Annoyed, I said, "rather busy right now.
The voice said, Listen, I will have to call you back,
theres an idiot next door answering all my questions"
)
Quote
Men and directions!
A little boy was waiting on his mother to come out of a store. As he waited, he
was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the post office
is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure, just go straight down the street a couple of
blocks and turn to your right."
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new preacher in town, and I'd
like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."
The little boy replied with a chuckle, "Awww, come on; you don't even know the
way to the post office!"
haha))
Quote
A little boy was waiting on his mother to come out of a store. As he waited, he
was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the post office
is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure, just go straight down the street a couple of
blocks and turn to your right."
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new preacher in town, and I'd
like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."
The little boy replied with a chuckle, "Awww, come on; you don't even know the
way to the post office!"
haha
))Quote
Created by:
petek
8/18/13 @ 12:19pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Heart of England
Posts: 542
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence." Quote
Hillary Clinton after death went to heaven and met St. Peter, and very curious watching the clocks on the wall asked:
What are all those clocks, Peter?
And he answered:
So really, each of them is a person who lived on earth and every turn of the hands are the lies he made in his life, for example:
See that over there?
Yes, she replies.
Well, that belonged to Abraham Lincoln and just walked around, that means he uttered a lie in his life.
And one who is there? Who is it, asks Hillary.
And St. Peter answers:
That was Teresa and never gave a single lap.
So excited Hillary question:
And by chance, would not you seen my husband, Bill Clinton?
Yes, St. Peter answered, that it has Jesus in his office as a fan. :D Quote
What are all those clocks, Peter?
And he answered:
So really, each of them is a person who lived on earth and every turn of the hands are the lies he made in his life, for example:
See that over there?
Yes, she replies.
Well, that belonged to Abraham Lincoln and just walked around, that means he uttered a lie in his life.
And one who is there? Who is it, asks Hillary.
And St. Peter answers:
That was Teresa and never gave a single lap.
So excited Hillary question:
And by chance, would not you seen my husband, Bill Clinton?
Yes, St. Peter answered, that it has Jesus in his office as a fan. :D Quote
Created by:
malteeser
8/19/13 @ 2:39am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k i l l us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!" Quote
While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k i l l us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!" Quote
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k i l l us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!"
JAJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJJA perfect loco diablo.... :D Quote
While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k i l l us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!"
JAJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJJA perfect loco diablo.... :D Quote
Created by:
malteeser
8/21/13 @ 12:49am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A man is in a hotel lobby. As he runs to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman and as he does, his elbow hits her breast.
They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 243." Quote
They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 243." Quote
A man is in a hotel lobby. As he runs to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman and as he does, his elbow hits her breast.
They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 243."
hahaha Quote
They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 243."
hahaha Quote
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding,he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing,boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night..........whether you're here or not.
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Q: What is the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again! Quote
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again! Quote
Q: What is the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!
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A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!
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Created by:
malteeser
8/22/13 @ 6:08am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
3 drunk guys enterd a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
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Created by:
malteeser
8/23/13 @ 1:20am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
One day a couple decided to go to Jerusalem for vacation. A few days after they arrived, the wife died. The man who worked at the local funerals told the husband that he could pay $150 to have her buried here or pay $4,000 to have her body shipped over and have her buried home. The husband thought about it for a while, and said that he would rather pay $4,000 to have her body shipped over than to pay $150 to get her buried here. The man who worked at the funerals asked him why he wanted to pay $4,000 instead of $150. The old man replied: " 2013 years ago a man died and was buried here. Three days later he resurrected. I cannot take the chance."
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Created by:
malteeser
8/26/13 @ 5:12am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."
The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"
The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!" Quote
The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"
The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!" Quote
Created by:
malteeser
8/27/13 @ 6:27am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A man went to an online job interview,
BOSS: Name?
MAN: Jack
BOSS: Age?
MAN: 26
BOSS: Sex?
MAN: 3 times a day.
BOSS: No, your sex?
MAN: Yes, yes. 3 times.
BOSS: Gender!
MAN: Anything , as long as it turns you on. Quote
BOSS: Name?
MAN: Jack
BOSS: Age?
MAN: 26
BOSS: Sex?
MAN: 3 times a day.
BOSS: No, your sex?
MAN: Yes, yes. 3 times.
BOSS: Gender!
MAN: Anything , as long as it turns you on. Quote
Created by:
cowboystyl24502
8/27/13 @ 10:24pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Smokey Mountains - Small Cattle Farm
Posts: 61
Hot Date: A gay guy had a hot date lined up. The problem was that his apartment was flooded. So he asked his friend if he could use his place for the night. His friend reluctantly agreed, but warned the gay guy not to make a mess, or have sex all over his house. The next day his friend comes back to see his apartment. When he opens the front door he sees cum covering the entire living room. He shouts at the gauy guy, "What the fuck happened I told you not to do it in here!" The gay guy responds, "We didn't, I just farted."
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/dirtyjokes/gayjokes.html
Dirk Thomas and Jacob Black like Fart Jokes so this one is perfecto 4 them. LMAO
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source: http://www.jokes4us.com/dirtyjokes/gayjokes.html
Dirk Thomas and Jacob Black like Fart Jokes so this one is perfecto 4 them. LMAO
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Put ur joke here and smile:
Weight Loss
A guy badly needs to lose weight.
He reads a weight loss advert on newspaper.
He goes to the place.
The secretary explains:
There are 3 options Option 1 for $50, 2 for $100 and 3 for $150.
He chooses Option 1.
Go to the elevator and press number 1.
On Level 1, he finds a pretty girl.
Now you run after me. If you catch me you will fuck me.
And he ran after girl, caught her and fucked her.
And he lost weight!
:D :D
Second week.
He chooses Option 2.
Press 2 on the elevator.
On Level 2, he finds another girl, prettier and younger.
You run after me. If you catch me, I will let you fuck me.
And he ran after the girl, caught and fucked the girl.
And he loses more weight.
Third week.
This time he goes to the top choice number 3.
Elevator. Press Button number 3.
He goes to level 3 to find a big guy, all muscles.
Now you run coz if I catch you, I will fuck you!
lol
Quote
Weight Loss
A guy badly needs to lose weight.
He reads a weight loss advert on newspaper.
He goes to the place.
The secretary explains:
There are 3 options Option 1 for $50, 2 for $100 and 3 for $150.
He chooses Option 1.
Go to the elevator and press number 1.
On Level 1, he finds a pretty girl.
Now you run after me. If you catch me you will fuck me.
And he ran after girl, caught her and fucked her.
And he lost weight!
:D :D
Second week.
He chooses Option 2.
Press 2 on the elevator.
On Level 2, he finds another girl, prettier and younger.
You run after me. If you catch me, I will let you fuck me.
And he ran after the girl, caught and fucked the girl.
And he loses more weight.
Third week.
This time he goes to the top choice number 3.
Elevator. Press Button number 3.
He goes to level 3 to find a big guy, all muscles.
Now you run coz if I catch you, I will fuck you!
lol
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