11/27/15 @ 11:02pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Momentarely in this galaxy while the mother ship r
Posts: 1,234
"watch this," says the bartender.
He whacks the monkey on the head, and then the monkey goes crazy running around the bar table. the monkey then runs up to the bartender whips down his pants and starts sucking his dick. The gay guy is amazed.
"Wanna try?" asks the bartender,
The gay guy responds, "sure, but dont hit me so hard!"
Quote
A: you don't have to shake the old person to get it to drool. Quote
with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, "This is a
stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!" The scared bartender pleads, "Don't
shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the
cash register!" The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a
wife i have a family ! I'll do whatever you say!". The crook takes the money then puts
the gun to the bartender's head and says, "Alright, now give me a bl**job!".
"Anything!", cries the bartender, "Just don't shoot!". The bartender starts to
blow the crook. As the crook gets excited, he drops the gun. The bartender
sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back to the crook and yells
"Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friends might walk in !!!
that was nice one... haha Quote
1/29/16 @ 3:29pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open." Quote
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
LOL but with as many post as you have they can not all be bad Quote
1/30/16 @ 3:07pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod. Quote
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
boooo Quote
1/30/16 @ 4:34pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some homework."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching p*rn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what p*rn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.
Robot for sale. Quote
2/2/16 @ 11:29am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!" Quote
2/8/16 @ 12:48am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Momentarely in this galaxy while the mother ship r
Posts: 1,234
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!"
Ha ha ha haaaa!!!!
More please!!! Quote
2/8/16 @ 12:07pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285
Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The first floor has a sign on the door that reads, "All men here are short and plain."
The women laugh and continue up to the second floor.
The sign reads, "All men here are tall and plain."
Still this isn't good enough, and the women proceed to the third floor.
"All men here are short and handsome."
The women still want more and go to the fourth floor, where the sign reads, "All men here are tall and handsome."
This is perfect and the women are preparing to go in, when they realise that there is still one more floor.
They go up one floor and read the sign. "There are no men here. This floor is built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
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A girl goes to a library.
Girl: I want the book, "Women- The most perfect and intelligent."
.
.
.
.
Librarian: Comic section is at the backside. Quote
2/10/16 @ 3:18pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285
Bartender says, "Where in the world did you get that?"
Frog spoke up, "Would you believe it started out as a wart on my ass!!"
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A man has his car full of penguins. He drives past a policeman, but the policeman stops him. He says. "Hey, you! Yeah, you! You should take those penguins to the zoo!"
The man does that.
The next day in the same spot, the man still has the penguins. Once again he drives past the policeman. "Hey, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!"
"I did," replies the man. "We had so much fun that were going to the beach today!" Quote
2/11/16 @ 12:02am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Momentarely in this galaxy while the mother ship r
Posts: 1,234
2/11/16 @ 1:35pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285
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A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool." Quote
2/11/16 @ 4:41pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Momentarely in this galaxy while the mother ship r
Posts: 1,234
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Ha ha ha haaa!!!! I see
you met my former wife She also caught a virus and made my house,cars and bank accounts disappear and no one could ever help me to recoup it...
Tsk...tsk...tsk.....women!! You can't live with them and you can't bury them under the garage floor!!! ( I'm running out of space )
Great joke LickaU!!! Quote
2/11/16 @ 4:50pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Momentarely in this galaxy while the mother ship r
Posts: 1,234
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Why won't you kiss me?"
The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
... hence frogs legs "a la francaise" were born... a few echalots,lots of butter,some parsley,a little white wine a hot skillet... and VOILA!!!...no more princesses!!!
If you can't shut them up eat them!!!
I'm glad it wasn't a talking turkey ( hate that crap... )
ROFLMAO!!!
Now if it was a PRINCE.... may be... Quote
2/11/16 @ 5:01pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Momentarely in this galaxy while the mother ship r
Posts: 1,234
A blind man was passing by the fish store
and after removing his hat said:"Good morning ladies!! " Quote