10/19/15 @ 11:27am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Momentarely in this galaxy while the mother ship r
Posts: 1,234
10/20/15 @ 11:01am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
10/21/15 @ 6:21am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
'Yes,' she said smugly. 'He's well trained, I have constantly reminded him to put the seat down after he's used the toilet and like a good little boy, he now does as he's told.'
They all started laughing at me then one of her friends turned to me and said, 'Hha, totally pussy whipped aren't you!'
'No not really,' I replied calmly. 'I'v just been p i s s i n g in the sink for the last 6 months.' Quote
10/22/15 @ 7:38am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
The line of men who were ruled by their women was 1,000 miles long, and in the line of men who ruled their women, there was only one man. God became angry and said, You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?
The man replied, I don't know, my wife told me to stand here.
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Weight Loss
A guy badly needs to lose weight.
He reads a weight loss advert on newspaper.
He goes to the place.
The secretary explains:
There are 3 options Option 1 for $50, 2 for $100 and 3 for $150.
He chooses Option 1.
Go to the elevator and press number 1.
On Level 1, he finds a pretty girl.
Now you run after me. If you catch me you will fuck me.
And he ran after girl, caught her and fucked her.
And he lost weight!
:D :D
Second week.
He chooses Option 2.
Press 2 on the elevator.
On Level 2, he finds another girl, prettier and younger.
You run after me. If you catch me, I will let you fuck me.
And he ran after the girl, caught and fucked the girl.
And he loses more weight.
Third week.
This time he goes to the top choice number 3.
Elevator. Press Button number 3.
He goes to level 3 to find a big guy, all muscles.
Now you run coz if I catch you, I will fuck you!
I laughed so hard at this, definitely one I'll be telling haha
I only trust people who like big butts......They cannot lie.
Quote
10/26/15 @ 11:15am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
I hope that this will once again confirm that the most important information in your life won't come from a teacher, the library or the internet, but from a mentor, and on a very personal level.
My long-passed grandfather's birthday is coming up, and for me it is a time to reminisce. The long walks we used to take. The long drives.The special trips he would make to pick me up so I could spend weekends with him, and the advice he used to give!
Much was wasted because I was young when he died. If he were alive today and sharing his pearls of wisdom, I'd be a better man.
Those gems were well and good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandfatherly advice, came when I was on 12. We were sitting in a park, watching c h i l d r e n and their mothers enjoying a beautiful spring day. He told me that one day, I'd find a woman and start my own family.
'And son,' he said, 'be sure you marry a woman with small hands.'
'How come, Grandpa?' I asked.
'It makes your pecker look bigger.'
Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
Quote
10/28/15 @ 11:55am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Later they get together. The priest begins: 'When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.'
'I found a bear by the stream,' says the minister, 'and preached Gods holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.'
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. 'Looking back,' he says, 'maybe I shouldnt have started with the circumcision.' Quote
10/30/15 @ 5:59am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
'Come to me three times a week for two years, and Ill cure your fears,' says the shrink. 'And Ill charge you only $200 a visit.'
Lenny says hell think about it. Six months later, he runs into the doctor, who asks why he never came back. 'For $200 a visit?' says Lenny. 'A bartender cured me for $10.'
'Is that so! How?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed.' Quote
11/2/15 @ 12:52am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
'That was nice of them,' he said.
She was unimpressed. 'They only want me for my body,' she grumbled. Quote
11/8/15 @ 1:48am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
She wrote: 'Driver.' Quote
11/8/15 @ 6:45am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Momentarely in this galaxy while the mother ship r
Posts: 1,234
11/16/15 @ 2:19am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.
I have only one condition, he said. At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint. The pastor gave his word, and deposited the check.
The next day, at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. He was an evil man, he said. He cheated on his wife and abused his family. After going on in this vein for a small time, he concluded with,
But, compared to his brother, he was a saint.
Quote
11/19/15 @ 3:25am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Whats wrong? he asks.
I texted my wife that I was coming home today from my golfing trip. And what did I find when I walked through the door? Her making out with Joe Murphy! Im leaving!
Now, calm down, says his father-in-law. There must be a simple explanation. Ill find out what happened. Moments later, he reappears. I told you there was a simple explanation, and there is, he says. She never got your text.
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11/26/15 @ 3:05pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Curacao
Posts: 369
11/27/15 @ 11:11am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Momentarely in this galaxy while the mother ship r
Posts: 1,234
That is OK,tell us...we like your fat and long jokes Quote
That is OK,tell us...we like your fat and long jokes
ahhahahaahha (K)('-angel') thank you my friend Quote