6/6/15 @ 12:24am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Momentarely in this galaxy while the mother ship r
Posts: 1,234
A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom.
When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.
"What are you doing?" she exclaimed.
The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement.
When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator.
"What are you doing?" he exclaimed.
The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room.
In there, she found her husband watching the Super Bowl on television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.
"What are you doing?" she exclaimed.
He replied............"Watching the game with my son-in-law." Quote
7/17/15 @ 10:01am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Brisbane Australia, home of the 2032 Olympic Games
Posts: 45,001
An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch when the Irishman said, Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping, too.
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realise he hated burritos so much.
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde guys wife. The blonde guy's wife said, Don't look at me. He made his own lunch. Quote
"WAaaaaa it's so hot in here!!"
and the other says :
"AAAHHHHAAAAAA, a talking pie!?!?!?!" Quote
7/22/15 @ 7:50am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Brisbane Australia, home of the 2032 Olympic Games
Posts: 45,001
An old man had owned a large farm for many years. There was a large pond in the back, fixed up nice with picnic tables, a barbecue and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He took with him a bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the crocodile.' Quote
7/22/15 @ 10:04am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Curacao
Posts: 369
7/25/15 @ 4:02am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Curacao
Posts: 369
10/6/15 @ 10:19pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Brisbane Australia, home of the 2032 Olympic Games
Posts: 45,001
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two men were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great, I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and eventually said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?' Quote
10/11/15 @ 10:23am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
My mother told me that the secret to a happy marriage was to never argue, she explained. Instead, I should keep quiet and crochet a doll.
Her husband was touched. Only one doll was in the boxthat meant shed been angry with him only once in 60 years. But what about all this money? he asked.
Oh, she said, thats the money I made from selling the dolls. Quote
10/14/15 @ 12:37am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
No! yells the woman, slamming the door in his face. A few minutes later, he knocks again. Now what do you want? the woman asks.
Could I have a few words with George?
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David 'Clone Drone' Tim 'Yo-Yo' and Micheal 'White Wee Wee in the Dark' in Inspector Clouseau: Who Shot(Miss Piggy) In the Dark (Reum)?
Reum? Yes That's What I said A REUM... Does your pig bite? No, Hello little piggy, Oink! Ouch!, I thought you said your pig doesn't bite, That is not my Pig!
Hello, Hello, Hello, What's going on down at the Soho Gay Bar?
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10/14/15 @ 10:38am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
What!? I answered, gagging at the price tag. Ive bought cars for $500!
Thats why I want the $500 suit, he said. So I dont have to drive $500 cars.
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10/15/15 @ 1:33am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Pointing to the heartless woman, a y o u n g b o y said, I hope she ends up with the part that has the butt on it.
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10/16/15 @ 11:06am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
In the cage, the actor makes faces, swings around, and draws a huge crowd. He then crawls across a partition and atop the lions cage, infuriating the animal. But the actor stays in character until he loses his grip and falls into the lions cage.
Terrified, the actor shouts, Help! Help me! Too late. The lion pounces, opens its massive jaws, and whispers, Shut up! Do you want to get us both fired?!
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