Josh Polk: Laughter is the best Medicine - 7/26/13 - Male Performer Chat

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Laughter is the best Medicine

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Male Performer Chat: Laughter is the best Medicine

Created by: malteeser

9/8/14 @ 10:15am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for supper.

Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in the air conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. "I can't believe you're asking me about supper right now! Imagine I'm out of town, go inside and figure dinner out yourself."

So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with potatoes, garlic bread and a tall glass of iced tea.

The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, "You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?"

"Huh? I thought you were out of town."

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Created by: malteeser

9/8/14 @ 10:17am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A drunk man was in front of a judge. The judge says, "Sir you've been brought here for drinking.�
The drunk says: "Okay, let's get started."

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Created by: malteeser

9/19/14 @ 10:08am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A joke dedicated to Tim J in appreciation of what you do for me. I will never forget.

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour Anderson peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, Anderson politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."

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Created by: malteeser

9/20/14 @ 10:28am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farm hand working with him to help castrate his sheep. As the farmer castrated the sheep, the French farm hand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash. "No!" yelled the farmer, "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries!" The farm hand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them up for supper.

This went on for three days....and each evening they had Sheep Fries for supper. On the fourth night the farmer came in to the house for supper. He asked his wife where the farm hand was and she replied, "It's the strangest thing! When he came in and asked what was for supper, I told him French Fries and he ran like hell!"

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Created by: malteeser

9/22/14 @ 10:51am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Hank was amazed at the length of the funeral procession going down Main Street. Watching awhile he observed that the cortege consisted entirely of men. It was led by a man holding a Doberman.

His curiosity got the best of him and walked up to the man at the front of the line. "Excuse me for interrupting you in your time of grief", said Hank, politely. " but I've never seen such a funeral procession. Would you mind telling me who it's for?"

"It's for my mother-in-law," explained the mourner. Tightening the leash, he gestered down at the dog and said, "My Doberman here killed her."

"Gee, that's terrible, " said Hank, " but hmmm....is there any way you could lend me your dog for a day or so?"

The bereaved son-in-law pointed his thumb over his shoulder and answered, "get in line!"

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Created by: malteeser

9/23/14 @ 12:42pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A man died in a horrible fire. The mortician thought it was George, but the body was so badly burned that somebody would need to make a positive identification. That task fell to George's two friends, Joe and Al.

Joe: "He's burnt pretty bad, all right. Roll him over." Joe looked at the dead man's buttocks and said, "Nope, that ain't George."

Thinking the incident strange, the mortician straightened up the body and said nothing. He brought in Al.

Al: "Wow, he's burnt to a crisp. Roll him over." Again, "Nope, that ain't George."

Mortician: "How can you tell?"

Al: "George had two assholes."

Mortician: "What? How could he have two assholes?"

Al: "Everybody knew George had two assholes. Whenever the three of us would go into town you'd hear people say, "Here comes George with those two assholes!"

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Created by: Tim J

9/24/14 @ 6:22pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00

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Created by: Tomas J

10/2/14 @ 6:23pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00

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Laughter is the best Medicine

Not if your a diabetic - Insulin is better then.

hahaha

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Created by: ourjeffie

10/2/14 @ 8:42pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Brisbane Australia, home of the 2032 Olympic Games
Posts: 44,982

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The sixth grade science teacher asked her class "Which human body part increases to ten times its size
when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"

The teacher ignored her and asked the question again "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class "Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

The teacher said "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued.

"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn't read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

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Created by: Eliver Jay

10/3/14 @ 5:12pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00

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Weight Loss

Wife: Honey, I lost have a kilo

.
Husband: Did you shave your legs?

Wahahahahahha is she a Gorilla ? joke!

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Created by: Eliver Jay

10/3/14 @ 5:12pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00

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Weight Loss

Wife: Honey, I lost have a kilo

.
Husband: Did you shave your legs?

is she a Gorilla ?? hehehehe

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Created by: dunkit

10/17/14 @ 3:40pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: England
Posts: 45

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Hey Malteeser what's happened you run out of jokes??
Enjoyed this thread you made me smile a lot.
Hope you return soon

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Created by: Sencer

10/17/14 @ 3:47pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00

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Hey Malteeser what's happened you run out of jokes??
Enjoyed this thread you made me smile a lot.
Hope you return soon

Malteeseeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,where are you? you gonna get penality for getting late on job....we all miss you bud X_x

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Created by: Dirk Thomas

10/17/14 @ 5:07pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00

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Malteeseeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,where are you? you gonna get penality for getting late on job....we all miss you bud X_x

sencer.... he is taking a rest.. i hope he be back with more jokes too!

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Created by: Andrew Jay

10/17/14 @ 8:43pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00

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Put ur joke here and smile:

Weight Loss

A guy badly needs to lose weight.
He reads a weight loss advert on newspaper.
He goes to the place.
The secretary explains:
�There are 3 options � Option 1 for $50, 2 for $100 and 3 for $150.�
He chooses Option 1.
�Go to the elevator and press number 1.�
On Level 1, he finds a pretty girl.
�Now you run after me. If you catch me you will fuck me�.
And he ran after girl, caught her and fucked her.
And he lost weight!

:D :D
Second week.
He chooses Option 2.
�Press 2 on the elevator.�
On Level 2, he finds another girl, prettier and younger.
�You run after me. If you catch me, I will let you fuck me.�
And he ran after the girl, caught and fucked the girl.
And he loses more weight.
Third week.
This time he goes to the top choice number 3.
�Elevator. Press Button number 3.�
He goes to level 3 to find a big guy, all muscles.
�Now you run coz if I catch you, I will fuck you!�

hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhaahahhaahha omfg omfg omfg help help I will die hahahahahahahaha :D

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Created by: malteeser

10/18/14 @ 1:17am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Thanks guys.
It is very encouraging that you liked it.
I will continue posting jokes soon.
In the meantime, keep smiling.
I love you all.

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Created by: malteeser

10/19/14 @ 1:33am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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The doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast. As he stormed out of the house, the man angrily yelled to his wife, "You aren't that good in bed either!"

By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answered the phone. "What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?"

"I was in bed."

"What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?"

"Getting a second opinion"

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Created by: ourjeffie

10/19/14 @ 2:20am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Brisbane Australia, home of the 2032 Olympic Games
Posts: 44,982

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Malteeser, welcome back :thumbsup

I enjoy your jokes and I look forward to them. Many of them I have heard years ago and forgotten, but they all make me laugh :orglaugh

Keep up the good work :drinkup

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Created by: malteeser

10/20/14 @ 1:58am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Jane was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly depressed over the recent death of her husband Karl. She decided that she would just k i l l herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Karl's old army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become paralyzed, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."

Later that night, Jane was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.

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Created by: malteeser

10/21/14 @ 12:09pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.

The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years".
"I remember that too", she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"

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