Forum Topics
Male Performer Chat: Laughter is the best Medicine
Created by:
malteeser
6/5/14 @ 7:40am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A blind man walked into a diner and made a strange request to his waiter. He asked if he could have the unwashed fork of the last customer the waiter waited on. The perplexed waiter agreed and handed the blind man the unwashed fork. The blind man proceeded to put it in his mouth and said, "Hmmm, the meatloaf and mashed potatoes are good here. I'll have that."
The next day, the blind man returned to the diner and did the same thing. Now, on the third day, the waiter saw the blind man coming into the diner. He still didn't believe what the blind man was capable of, and he wanted to trick him. So he quickly grabbed a fork and asked his waitress wife, Jane, to pull down her panties and rub it between her legs.
When the blind man asked for the fork, the waiter gave him the fork with a big smile on his face.
The blind man put it in his mouth, and said, "Hmmm, I didn't know Jane worked here." Quote
The next day, the blind man returned to the diner and did the same thing. Now, on the third day, the waiter saw the blind man coming into the diner. He still didn't believe what the blind man was capable of, and he wanted to trick him. So he quickly grabbed a fork and asked his waitress wife, Jane, to pull down her panties and rub it between her legs.
When the blind man asked for the fork, the waiter gave him the fork with a big smile on his face.
The blind man put it in his mouth, and said, "Hmmm, I didn't know Jane worked here." Quote
Created by:
malteeser
6/6/14 @ 7:57am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Bush got a coded message from Saddam.
It read: 370HSSV-0773H
Bush was stumped and sent for the CIA. The CIA was stumped too, so it went to the NSA.
The NSA couldn't solve it either, so they asked Bill Clinton.
He suggested turning the message upside down ...
Quote
It read: 370HSSV-0773H
Bush was stumped and sent for the CIA. The CIA was stumped too, so it went to the NSA.
The NSA couldn't solve it either, so they asked Bill Clinton.
He suggested turning the message upside down ...
Quote
Created by:
malteeser
6/7/14 @ 5:01am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Created by:
malteeser
6/7/14 @ 5:05am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A hippie goes in an urban Bar & Grill and orders a cheeseburger.
"But make sure to make it not too well done, not too rare, but just in the groove." The waiter is a little annoyed at this, but serves him the burger.
"Waiter!" the hippie says after a little bit. "Could I get a cup of tea? Not too weak, not too strong, but just in the groove." More annoyed now, the waiter contemplates p i s s i n g in the tea, but doesn't.
"Waiter!" the hippies says a little later. "Could I get some ice cream? Not too chocolate, not too vanilla, but just in the groove."
"Wait," said the waiter. "I have another idea. How about you kiss my ass? Not too much to the right, not too much to the left, but just in the groove." Quote
"But make sure to make it not too well done, not too rare, but just in the groove." The waiter is a little annoyed at this, but serves him the burger.
"Waiter!" the hippie says after a little bit. "Could I get a cup of tea? Not too weak, not too strong, but just in the groove." More annoyed now, the waiter contemplates p i s s i n g in the tea, but doesn't.
"Waiter!" the hippies says a little later. "Could I get some ice cream? Not too chocolate, not too vanilla, but just in the groove."
"Wait," said the waiter. "I have another idea. How about you kiss my ass? Not too much to the right, not too much to the left, but just in the groove." Quote
Two Bedouins were in the middle of a desert when one gets something blown into his eye. His companion takes a look at his eye for him and says, Hold still Abdul, it might be sand. 
Quote
Quote
Put ur joke here and smile:
Weight Loss
A guy badly needs to lose weight.
He reads a weight loss advert on newspaper.
He goes to the place.
The secretary explains:
There are 3 options Option 1 for $50, 2 for $100 and 3 for $150.
He chooses Option 1.
Go to the elevator and press number 1.
On Level 1, he finds a pretty girl.
Now you run after me. If you catch me you will fuck me.
And he ran after girl, caught her and fucked her.
And he lost weight!
:D :D
Second week.
He chooses Option 2.
Press 2 on the elevator.
On Level 2, he finds another girl, prettier and younger.
You run after me. If you catch me, I will let you fuck me.
And he ran after the girl, caught and fucked the girl.
And he loses more weight.
Third week.
This time he goes to the top choice number 3.
Elevator. Press Button number 3.
He goes to level 3 to find a big guy, all muscles.
Now you run coz if I catch you, I will fuck you!
Hahahahaha. That was the best laugh of the day. Jejejeje
Quote
Weight Loss
A guy badly needs to lose weight.
He reads a weight loss advert on newspaper.
He goes to the place.
The secretary explains:
There are 3 options Option 1 for $50, 2 for $100 and 3 for $150.
He chooses Option 1.
Go to the elevator and press number 1.
On Level 1, he finds a pretty girl.
Now you run after me. If you catch me you will fuck me.
And he ran after girl, caught her and fucked her.
And he lost weight!
:D :D
Second week.
He chooses Option 2.
Press 2 on the elevator.
On Level 2, he finds another girl, prettier and younger.
You run after me. If you catch me, I will let you fuck me.
And he ran after the girl, caught and fucked the girl.
And he loses more weight.
Third week.
This time he goes to the top choice number 3.
Elevator. Press Button number 3.
He goes to level 3 to find a big guy, all muscles.
Now you run coz if I catch you, I will fuck you!
Hahahahaha. That was the best laugh of the day. Jejejeje
Quote
A bartender in a gay bar was getting ready to close for the night when a robber
with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, "This is a
stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!" The scared bartender pleads, "Don't
shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the
cash register!" The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a
wife i have a family ! I'll do whatever you say!". The crook takes the money then puts
the gun to the bartender's head and says, "Alright, now give me a bl**job!".
"Anything!", cries the bartender, "Just don't shoot!". The bartender starts to
blow the crook. As the crook gets excited, he drops the gun. The bartender
sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back to the crook and yells
"Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friends might walk in !!!
hahahahahahaha you guys are too funny lol. That was a good one.
Quote
with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, "This is a
stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!" The scared bartender pleads, "Don't
shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the
cash register!" The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a
wife i have a family ! I'll do whatever you say!". The crook takes the money then puts
the gun to the bartender's head and says, "Alright, now give me a bl**job!".
"Anything!", cries the bartender, "Just don't shoot!". The bartender starts to
blow the crook. As the crook gets excited, he drops the gun. The bartender
sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back to the crook and yells
"Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friends might walk in !!!
hahahahahahaha you guys are too funny lol. That was a good one.
Quote
Created by:
malteeser
6/9/14 @ 10:59am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A man finds an old bottle in his garden. He uncorks it and a genie emerges.
"As a reward for freeing me, I shall grant you three wishes," says the genie, "But, whatever you wish for, your most hated enemy shall receive twice over."
"Let's see. My first wish is to live in a 10-story luxury mansion." The genie claps his hands, and suddenly the man's small bungalow transforms into a beautiful house. He looks over to see Jones, his most hated enemy and next door neighbor, standing in the doorway of his new 20-story mansion.
"Now I want 50 of the most beautiful women imaginable," says the man. The man's wish is granted, but he is annoyed to see Jones surrounded by a harem of 100 women, all twice as attractive.
"For my final wish," says the man, "I want to lose a testicle." Quote
"As a reward for freeing me, I shall grant you three wishes," says the genie, "But, whatever you wish for, your most hated enemy shall receive twice over."
"Let's see. My first wish is to live in a 10-story luxury mansion." The genie claps his hands, and suddenly the man's small bungalow transforms into a beautiful house. He looks over to see Jones, his most hated enemy and next door neighbor, standing in the doorway of his new 20-story mansion.
"Now I want 50 of the most beautiful women imaginable," says the man. The man's wish is granted, but he is annoyed to see Jones surrounded by a harem of 100 women, all twice as attractive.
"For my final wish," says the man, "I want to lose a testicle." Quote
Created by:
malteeser
6/10/14 @ 6:26am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
There was this bartender & he was working at the bar one night. In walked a group of blondes & they were chanting "44 days! 44 days!" One of the blondes was carrying a picture puzzle of Cookie Monster in a frame. The bartender leaned towards the blonde holding the puzzle and asked, "Why are you chanting 44 days?" She set down the puzzle on the counter and said, "A lot of people think us blondes are dumb, so to show them, we bought this puzzle and put it together. It said 1-3 months but we completed it in 44 days!"
Quote
Created by:
malteeser
6/11/14 @ 12:47pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Created by:
malteeser
6/11/14 @ 12:52pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A virgin boy turns 18, and asks his dad for money to go to the whore house. His dad gives him 20 bucks and says, "Son, get it done. But one thing before you go, whatever you do, don't venture into Room 88." The boy agrees.
He gets to the whore house and says to the lady at the desk, "Hi, I would like to get a room."
She responds, "Sorry young man. The only room left is Room 88."
The boy, dripping with horniness, takes it despite his father's warning. When he gets up there, there is a hole in the wall. It says, "Insert cock here for pleasure." He walks over, sticks it in, and gets his cock sucked for an hour and a half and explodes inside the mystery mouth hidden behind the wall.
He gets home and tells his dad he had his dick sucked by a real pro in Room 88.
His dad turns deathly pale and cries, "Uh, oh. That was you?"
Quote
He gets to the whore house and says to the lady at the desk, "Hi, I would like to get a room."
She responds, "Sorry young man. The only room left is Room 88."
The boy, dripping with horniness, takes it despite his father's warning. When he gets up there, there is a hole in the wall. It says, "Insert cock here for pleasure." He walks over, sticks it in, and gets his cock sucked for an hour and a half and explodes inside the mystery mouth hidden behind the wall.
He gets home and tells his dad he had his dick sucked by a real pro in Room 88.
His dad turns deathly pale and cries, "Uh, oh. That was you?"
Quote
Created by:
malteeser
6/12/14 @ 10:25am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Three couples went to a resturant. The women wanted to compliment the men with something that was on the table.
"Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?" said the first gal.
"Could you pass me the honey, honey?" said the second.
"Could you pass me the bacon, pig?" said the third Quote
"Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?" said the first gal.
"Could you pass me the honey, honey?" said the second.
"Could you pass me the bacon, pig?" said the third Quote
Q: What's the difference between a refridgerator and a homo? A: The fridge doesn't fart when you pull the meat out!
hhahahahhah love that one ;) Quote
hhahahahhah love that one ;) Quote
Created by:
malteeser
6/13/14 @ 12:00pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A housewife buys a parrot to keep her company during the day.
The clerk warns that the parrot was donated by a brothel, where he may have picked up some colorful language.
The housewife doesn't mind and brings the parrot home. When she uncovers the cage, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Madam. Hello Madam."
When her three daughters come home from school, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Girls. Hello Girls."
Finally, her husband, Phil, comes home from work, just in time for dinner.
When he walks past the parrot, the parrot says, "Brawkk! Hi Phil!" Quote
The clerk warns that the parrot was donated by a brothel, where he may have picked up some colorful language.
The housewife doesn't mind and brings the parrot home. When she uncovers the cage, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Madam. Hello Madam."
When her three daughters come home from school, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Girls. Hello Girls."
Finally, her husband, Phil, comes home from work, just in time for dinner.
When he walks past the parrot, the parrot says, "Brawkk! Hi Phil!" Quote
Created by:
malteeser
6/18/14 @ 7:12am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Given that the world is currently gripped in World Cup fever, two jokes on the theme:
A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.
The man: Who would ever miss the World Cup final?
The guy: That was my wifes seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.
The man: Thats terrible, but couldnt you get another member of the family, friend, or someone else to come with you?
The guy: Nothey are all at the funeral!
--------------------
Hours after the end of the world, a border dispute emerged between heaven and hell. God invited the devil for conversations to find a way to resolve this dispute quickly. Satan, the devil, proposed a soccer game between heaven and hell.
God, always fair, told the devil, "The heat must be affecting your brain, the game would be so one sided, don't you know all the 'good' players go to heaven?"
The devil, smiling, responded "Yeah, but we've got all the refs'..."
Quote
A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.
The man: Who would ever miss the World Cup final?
The guy: That was my wifes seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.
The man: Thats terrible, but couldnt you get another member of the family, friend, or someone else to come with you?
The guy: Nothey are all at the funeral!
--------------------
Hours after the end of the world, a border dispute emerged between heaven and hell. God invited the devil for conversations to find a way to resolve this dispute quickly. Satan, the devil, proposed a soccer game between heaven and hell.
God, always fair, told the devil, "The heat must be affecting your brain, the game would be so one sided, don't you know all the 'good' players go to heaven?"
The devil, smiling, responded "Yeah, but we've got all the refs'..."
Quote
Created by:
malteeser
6/19/14 @ 9:41am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate waiting to get into heaven. Not all these spirits could fit into heaven, so the ones who died the worst death would be allowed in.
The first man in line started telling his story, "Well, Peter, you see, I knew that my wife was cheating on me so I decided to come home early from work one day to catch them in action. I got home and searched all over but I couldn't find him. Then when I walked out onto the balcony, there he was dangling off by his fingertips. So I ran and got a hammer then started beating him with it and he fell. Well, the fall didn't finish him, because he landed in a bush so I picked up the refrigerator and threw it on him. Although that finisheed him, the strain gave me a heart attack, and here I am."
The next man came up and started his story. "St. Peter, I always work out on my balcony on the 14th floor of my apartment building. I was on my bike one day and I fell off when it flipped. I sailed over the rail and I thought 'Please God spare my life' and he did. I caught on to a balcony below me. I was even happier when a man discovered me hanging there. But all of a sudden he started beating my hands with a hammer so I fell again. But the dear Lord saved me again when I landed in a bush. But I'm here now because the guy threw his refrigerator on top of me."
It was now the third guy's turn to start his story. "Well, Peter, just picture this. I'm hiding butt naked in this married chick's refrigerator....." Quote
The first man in line started telling his story, "Well, Peter, you see, I knew that my wife was cheating on me so I decided to come home early from work one day to catch them in action. I got home and searched all over but I couldn't find him. Then when I walked out onto the balcony, there he was dangling off by his fingertips. So I ran and got a hammer then started beating him with it and he fell. Well, the fall didn't finish him, because he landed in a bush so I picked up the refrigerator and threw it on him. Although that finisheed him, the strain gave me a heart attack, and here I am."
The next man came up and started his story. "St. Peter, I always work out on my balcony on the 14th floor of my apartment building. I was on my bike one day and I fell off when it flipped. I sailed over the rail and I thought 'Please God spare my life' and he did. I caught on to a balcony below me. I was even happier when a man discovered me hanging there. But all of a sudden he started beating my hands with a hammer so I fell again. But the dear Lord saved me again when I landed in a bush. But I'm here now because the guy threw his refrigerator on top of me."
It was now the third guy's turn to start his story. "Well, Peter, just picture this. I'm hiding butt naked in this married chick's refrigerator....." Quote
Created by:
malteeser
6/21/14 @ 5:14pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan and hires a hooker. The whole night, this Japanese hooker keeps screaming: "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!" He can't quite remember what the word means, but he's sure he's pleased the hooker to best of his ability. The next morning, he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner when he makes a hole-in-one. Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese and he can't think anything to say but "HOSHIMOTA!" Concerned, his partner turns to him
"What do you mean it's in the wrong hole?"
Quote
"What do you mean it's in the wrong hole?"
Quote
Created by:
malteeser
6/23/14 @ 2:45am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey, Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Aw, come on, boy," the farmer insisted.
"Well, OK," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon." Quote
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Aw, come on, boy," the farmer insisted.
"Well, OK," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon." Quote
A bartender in a gay bar was getting ready to close for the night when a robber
with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, "This is a
stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!" The scared bartender pleads, "Don't
shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the
cash register!" The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a
wife i have a family ! I'll do whatever you say!". The crook takes the money then puts
the gun to the bartender's head and says, "Alright, now give me a bl**job!".
"Anything!", cries the bartender, "Just don't shoot!". The bartender starts to
blow the crook. As the crook gets excited, he drops the gun. The bartender
sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back to the crook and yells
"Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friends might walk in !!!
jajajaajaja lol..
Quote
with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, "This is a
stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!" The scared bartender pleads, "Don't
shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the
cash register!" The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a
wife i have a family ! I'll do whatever you say!". The crook takes the money then puts
the gun to the bartender's head and says, "Alright, now give me a bl**job!".
"Anything!", cries the bartender, "Just don't shoot!". The bartender starts to
blow the crook. As the crook gets excited, he drops the gun. The bartender
sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back to the crook and yells
"Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friends might walk in !!!
jajajaajaja lol..
Quote
Created by:
malteeser
6/24/14 @ 8:02am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sex education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sex education on TV.
Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. Great, said the teacher, that's very important.
Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. Well, that has to do with it too, said the teacher.
Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education.
Yes it does, said Johnny, it taught those Indians not to fuck with John Wayne.
Quote
Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. Great, said the teacher, that's very important.
Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. Well, that has to do with it too, said the teacher.
Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education.
Yes it does, said Johnny, it taught those Indians not to fuck with John Wayne.
Quote
