Josh Polk: Laughter is the best Medicine - 7/26/13 - Male Performer Chat

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Laughter is the best Medicine

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Male Performer Chat: Laughter is the best Medicine

Created by: malteeser

3/4/14 @ 11:28am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A guy walks into a bar and sees a monkey sitting on the bar.
- Hey, what about this monkey?
- Oh, look what it does.
The bartender pulls out a baseball bat and hits the monkey in the head.
- But why man? You will k i l l the monkey!
- I will not, look ...
Then the monkey gets up, goes to the bar, lowers the bartender's pants and gives him a blowjob.
- Damn, this is amazing!
- Would you like to try?
- Okay, but do not hit me hard with the bat.

Un tio entra en un bar y ve a un mono sentado en la barra.
- Oiga, y este mono?
- Ah, mire lo que hace.
El camarero saca un bate de beisbol y le pega una hostia en la cabeza al mono que lo tira de la barra.
- Pero que hace, hombre, que lo va a matar!.
- Que no, mire...
Entonces el mono se levanta, se sube a la barra, le baja la bragueta al camarero y le hace una mamada.
- Cono, esto es increible!
- Le gustar�a probar?
- Vale, pero no me de muy fuerte con el bate.

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Created by: malteeser

3/7/14 @ 11:40am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A guy was heading to Santa Cruz Zoo with a truckload of penguins. Halfway the refrigerated truck gets damaged.
Worried about repair, he sees a milk truck and get it to stop. Then he tells the milkman:
- Look, I'll give you 50,000 pesos for you to do me a favor and take these penguins to the zoo.
The milkman takes the money and gladly takes the penguins in his refrigerated truck. Meanwhile, the guy manages to fix the damage, and immediately heads to the zoo. On the way, he sees the milkman, with penguins behind him in line.
The guy asks the milkman:
- Where are you going with the penguins?
The milkman at once replied:
- Look, I took them to the zoo, but as I have money left over, I will take them to the cinema.

Un cachaco llevaba una partida de ping�inos hacia el zool�gico Santa Cruz, cuando a medio camino se le estropea el cami�n refrigerado.
Preocupado, trata de reparar el problema pero ve pasar un cami�n repartidor de leche y consigue que se detenga. Entonces le dice al lechero:
- Mira, te voy a dar 50000 pesos para que me hagas el favor de llevar estos ping�inos al zool�gico.
El lechero, toma el dinero y se lleva con gusto los ping�inos en su cami�n refrigerado. Mientras tanto, el cachaco logra arreglar el da�o, y de inmediato enfila hacia el zool�gico. En cuanto llega, ve salir al lechero, con los ping�inos detr�s de �l, en fila.
El cachaco le pregunta al lechero:
- �Hacia d�nde vas con los pinguinos?.
El lechero en seguida le responde:
- Mira, ya los llev� al zool�gico, pero como me sobr� dinero, los voy a llevar al cine.

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Created by: malteeser

3/8/14 @ 6:54am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A couple was celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary. For the entire time they had been married, the wife had kept a safe which the husband had never been allowed to look into. He asked her if, since they had been married so long, he could see what she had been keeping all these years. She said OK and opened the safe. In it were a pile of money totalling $10,000 and three chicken eggs. He asked her, "What are the eggs doing in there?" She said,"Well, I have to admit that I haven't been completely faithful to you. Whenever I strayed, I put an egg in the safe." He thought about it and said, "Well, I guess I can't be too upset about three eggs. But where did all the money come from?" She replied, "Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."

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Created by: malteeser

3/12/14 @ 9:05am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

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Created by: malteeser

3/14/14 @ 9:15am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Q: Why does the TV like the remote?

A: Because it turns it on!

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Created by: Valentino J

3/16/14 @ 11:49am (EST) |UTC - 5:00

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jajajaja so funny! i like u guys! thank yuou

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Created by: malteeser

3/19/14 @ 3:58am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Thank you Valentino for reading!
I hope it brings a lot of smiles.
It is for the guys who know how to take a joke.

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Created by: Miley D

4/12/14 @ 3:01pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00

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Q: Why can't gays drive faster than 68mph? A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.

LOLsofunny! amazing

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Created by: Sencer

4/12/14 @ 4:01pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00

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Thank you Valentino for reading!
I hope it brings a lot of smiles.

it does..always loved this thread :d

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Created by: malteeser

5/3/14 @ 3:09am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Crazy Mike the Biker walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me horny... keep me potent." The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra Extra Strength" and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!"
Then Crazy Mike says, "Gimme three boxes!" The next day, Crazy Mike walks into the same pharmacy, right up to the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places.
Crazy Mike says, "Gimme a bottle of BenGay."
The pharmacist replies, "BenGay?!?!?! You're not going to put BenGay on that are you?"
Crazy Mike says, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."

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Created by: cuddlebuddey

5/3/14 @ 10:33pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Posts: 3

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A man walked into a bar and sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say �nice tie!� Looking around, he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender at the end of the bar. A few sips later the voice said �beautiful shirt�.
At this, the man called the bartender over. �Hey�I must be losing my mind,� he told the bartender. �I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there�s not a soul in here but us.�
�It�s the peanuts,� answered the bartender.
�Say what?�
�You heard me,� said the barkeep. �It�s the peanuts � they�re complimentary.�

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Created by: ourjeffie

5/3/14 @ 11:43pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Brisbane Australia, home of the 2032 Olympic Games
Posts: 45,486

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A bank robber wanted to keep his identity secret, but didn't wear a mask. He told everyone in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them. One foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the robber promptly shot him. The robber asked if anyone else had seen his face. One customer, gazing intently at the floor, said "I think my wife got a glimpse."

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Created by: malteeser

5/5/14 @ 12:49pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A man walks into a pharmacy and tells the salesgirl that he's looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him to the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?"

"You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure, if I have to roll my own, so does she."

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Created by: malteeser

5/6/14 @ 10:39am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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What do you call a dog wearing ear muffs?

Anything you want, he can't hear you.

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Created by: madison61

5/7/14 @ 1:47am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Texas
Posts: 165

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A driver ran over and killed a woman's cat.

"I'm very sorry," the driver told the woman, "I'd like to replace your cat."

"That's thoughtful," the woman said, wiping away tears, "But can you catch mice?"

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Created by: malteeser

5/7/14 @ 8:53am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A police officer saw a car speeding down the highway.

He started chasing after the speeder . When he got close he's saw it was a blonde woman who was actually knitting while driving.

The cop yelled, "Pull over!"

The blonde shouted back, "No! It's a sweater!"

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Created by: malteeser

5/8/14 @ 7:11am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A couple had two mischievous little boys, ages eight and 10. At their wits' end, the parents contacted a clergyman who had been successful in rehabilitating bad boys in the past.

The clergyman asked to see the boys individually. The eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"

At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and asked what happened.

The younger brother replied, "We are in big trouble this time. God is missing, and they think we did it!"

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Created by: malteeser

5/9/14 @ 8:06am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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There was a couple who did not want their girl to know when they were going to have sex, so they decided on a code of 'writing a letter'.

One day, Daddy said to his daughter, 'Tell your mommy that Daddy wants to write a letter.' The girl went and told her mommy and the mom said, 'The red ribbon is coming out, not now.' The girl went back to the daddy and told him.

One day, Mommy told her daughter to tell her daddy that she wanted to write a letter. Daddy replied, 'Not now. Daddy already wrote the letter by hand.'

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Created by: malteeser

5/10/14 @ 5:52am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Two guys work for the city: one furiously digs a hole, the other quickly fills the hole.

A confused passerby asks, "Why do you dig a hole and fill it up again?"

The digger leans on his shovel and replies, "The lazy jackass who plants the trees is sick again today."

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Created by: malteeser

5/12/14 @ 5:24am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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One day this little girl's dad came home and she runs up to him.

"Daddy, the cat died today!"

"Well, darling," said the dad. "That's just something that happens."

"But why are his arms and legs up in the air?"

"Well, darling, that's just something they do." She takes the death fairly well and doesn't mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him.

"Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I came downstairs and I heard her screaming 'Oh Jesus, take me, take me!' And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn't been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died."

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