3/4/14 @ 11:28am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
- Hey, what about this monkey?
- Oh, look what it does.
The bartender pulls out a baseball bat and hits the monkey in the head.
- But why man? You will k i l l the monkey!
- I will not, look ...
Then the monkey gets up, goes to the bar, lowers the bartender's pants and gives him a blowjob.
- Damn, this is amazing!
- Would you like to try?
- Okay, but do not hit me hard with the bat.
Un tio entra en un bar y ve a un mono sentado en la barra.
- Oiga, y este mono?
- Ah, mire lo que hace.
El camarero saca un bate de beisbol y le pega una hostia en la cabeza al mono que lo tira de la barra.
- Pero que hace, hombre, que lo va a matar!.
- Que no, mire...
Entonces el mono se levanta, se sube a la barra, le baja la bragueta al camarero y le hace una mamada.
- Cono, esto es increible!
- Le gustara probar?
- Vale, pero no me de muy fuerte con el bate. Quote
3/7/14 @ 11:40am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Worried about repair, he sees a milk truck and get it to stop. Then he tells the milkman:
- Look, I'll give you 50,000 pesos for you to do me a favor and take these penguins to the zoo.
The milkman takes the money and gladly takes the penguins in his refrigerated truck. Meanwhile, the guy manages to fix the damage, and immediately heads to the zoo. On the way, he sees the milkman, with penguins behind him in line.
The guy asks the milkman:
- Where are you going with the penguins?
The milkman at once replied:
- Look, I took them to the zoo, but as I have money left over, I will take them to the cinema.
Un cachaco llevaba una partida de pinginos hacia el zoolgico Santa Cruz, cuando a medio camino se le estropea el camin refrigerado.
Preocupado, trata de reparar el problema pero ve pasar un camin repartidor de leche y consigue que se detenga. Entonces le dice al lechero:
- Mira, te voy a dar 50000 pesos para que me hagas el favor de llevar estos pinginos al zoolgico.
El lechero, toma el dinero y se lleva con gusto los pinginos en su camin refrigerado. Mientras tanto, el cachaco logra arreglar el dao, y de inmediato enfila hacia el zoolgico. En cuanto llega, ve salir al lechero, con los pinginos detrs de l, en fila.
El cachaco le pregunta al lechero:
- Hacia dnde vas con los pinguinos?.
El lechero en seguida le responde:
- Mira, ya los llev al zoolgico, pero como me sobr dinero, los voy a llevar al cine.
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3/8/14 @ 6:54am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
3/12/14 @ 9:05am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
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3/14/14 @ 9:15am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
LOLsofunny! amazing Quote
I hope it brings a lot of smiles.
it does..always loved this thread :d Quote
5/3/14 @ 3:09am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Then Crazy Mike says, "Gimme three boxes!" The next day, Crazy Mike walks into the same pharmacy, right up to the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places.
Crazy Mike says, "Gimme a bottle of BenGay."
The pharmacist replies, "BenGay?!?!?! You're not going to put BenGay on that are you?"
Crazy Mike says, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up." Quote
At this, the man called the bartender over. HeyI must be losing my mind, he told the bartender. I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and theres not a soul in here but us.
Its the peanuts, answered the bartender.
Say what?
You heard me, said the barkeep. Its the peanuts theyre complimentary. Quote
5/3/14 @ 11:43pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Brisbane Australia, home of the 2032 Olympic Games
Posts: 44,976
A bank robber wanted to keep his identity secret, but didn't wear a mask. He told everyone in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them. One foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the robber promptly shot him. The robber asked if anyone else had seen his face. One customer, gazing intently at the floor, said "I think my wife got a glimpse." Quote
5/5/14 @ 12:49pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?"
"You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure, if I have to roll my own, so does she." Quote
5/6/14 @ 10:39am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
"I'm very sorry," the driver told the woman, "I'd like to replace your cat."
"That's thoughtful," the woman said, wiping away tears, "But can you catch mice?" Quote
5/7/14 @ 8:53am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
He started chasing after the speeder . When he got close he's saw it was a blonde woman who was actually knitting while driving.
The cop yelled, "Pull over!"
The blonde shouted back, "No! It's a sweater!"
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5/8/14 @ 7:11am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
The clergyman asked to see the boys individually. The eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"
Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"
At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and asked what happened.
The younger brother replied, "We are in big trouble this time. God is missing, and they think we did it!" Quote
5/9/14 @ 8:06am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
One day, Daddy said to his daughter, 'Tell your mommy that Daddy wants to write a letter.' The girl went and told her mommy and the mom said, 'The red ribbon is coming out, not now.' The girl went back to the daddy and told him.
One day, Mommy told her daughter to tell her daddy that she wanted to write a letter. Daddy replied, 'Not now. Daddy already wrote the letter by hand.'
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5/10/14 @ 5:52am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A confused passerby asks, "Why do you dig a hole and fill it up again?"
The digger leans on his shovel and replies, "The lazy jackass who plants the trees is sick again today."
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5/12/14 @ 5:24am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
"Daddy, the cat died today!"
"Well, darling," said the dad. "That's just something that happens."
"But why are his arms and legs up in the air?"
"Well, darling, that's just something they do." She takes the death fairly well and doesn't mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him.
"Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!"
"What are you talking about?"
"I came downstairs and I heard her screaming 'Oh Jesus, take me, take me!' And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn't been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died."
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