. Hope is a Fallen Angel .

late nights such darkness
absences in shared moments
i followed you fled
letters sent float p3tal light
corridors echo emptied

� Amanda 2014




*blue ermin loop� dried stream beds of rock strewn silences *

Woven here - http://fav.me/d7xob4d Quote

. snayper .

zhenskiy tovarishch
wrapped in Siberian snow
assigned your mission
you let fall the blow
moy vozlyublennyy tovarishch

predali tovarishch
as your strength survives me
in my submission
my wounds are let free
moya sestra tovarishch

prekrasnaya tovarishch
no sanctuary
betrayed omission
came �February�
nezhnyy ubiytsey tovarishch

dorogaya tovarishch
my Russian widow
pristine addiction
my white-birch shadow
otbyli tovarishch moy

� Amanda 2014




woven here - http://fav.me/d7xsr6b Quote

. memento .

woken from sleep
tidal ocean sweeping wave numbers
our threes broke hard
upon stony coast sanded beach
stranded separate outside reach
where we will weep

distracted love
split in demand riven desire
our threes broke hard
where bayside fogged quays will beseech
marooned isolate outside reach
discarded one

walking unknown
pass quickly pass quiet Paris night
our threes broke hard
driven down these cobble stone streets
cornered singular outside reach
your memento

� Amanda 2014



woven here - http://fav.me/d7xwvrk


*blue ermin loop� http://www.flirt4free.com/forums * Quote

. silver .

cast of metallurgies
garb you in silver
speak you in golden
splashed wanton forms
leave me wanting
to have been more

your forge of fire fueled anger
met wet unholy attraction
surprised impression your own
adoring fawning gender

large book sits heavily weighted
shelf curves sinking center low
�tween pages p3tals laid waited
dry cracked leather cover casing
clips of hair and aging photos
ancient signs in love of wanting

your forge of fire fueled anger
met an unyielding attraction
surprised expression of your own
admiring fecund gender

metal tongued traces mouthed so light
heated pressures paced tight upon
surrounded by all your delight
new found intimacy excites

as irony lays waste of me
finality of loving mind
neglect in your every aspect
as you leave my body behind


� Amanda 2014 Quote

. lovers - vampir .

. vampir .

all the promises
all the promises
they fall to sleep
leaves in forests deep

�Story runs thin; here, this point Miss Magneson� the Chief Investigator looks up from the greasy fingered, corner-folded page of the report. The young woman seated across the grey rubber surface of the table with her arms tightly crossed leans her head slightly to the right, her forward fall of blond hair obscuring her left eye leaving only the clear grey iris of the right exposed in the light. �Does it?� her voice is almost inaudible. This room is unlike the last; this room is black and grey contrast with a silvered two-way mirror of large dimensions behind the interrogator.

all the tomorrows
all the tomorrows
gone with sunrise
tidal wash on beaches

�Your Swedish passport bears visa entry imprint from Ruse dated the 23 of September. We are not technically deficient country many suppose us. With circumstance we lack much,� his eyes glitter black from each side of the prominent pitted swollen nose that centers his face, �political situation, economy of EU.� He shifts slightly in the steel framed chair and swipes, with his thick nailed fingers, at his slick gloss black hair. �We have rapid internet yes. Available across our nation, cell phone communications� the fingers of his thick white right hand with the forest of black surface hairs arching neatly under his starched white shirt sleeve wriggle slightly as he gestures at the surrounding white walls. �Even modern air transit, fine airports eh?� The blonde raises her penciled black eyebrows, his sarcasm is inescapable; �And?� The Chief Inspector frowns �No record exists Ruse.�

twists and turns
we twist and turned
away away
bed made with each day

�Complete files. Exit interview date 2013 December 13� the right thick finger taps the slight brown coffee stain on the exposed paper. �Here. Here is what you said then, complete.� The two-hole punched file spins and he presents it for her to view. The blonde does not look down. �Did you enjoy cavity search? Yes?� His right index finger points at the signature at the bottom of the page. Her flat, affect-less, gaze does not move from his eyes; not a single shift to her body�s position, no micro-movement in her face�s composition. �I don�t know who that woman is.�

walked away
walked away
you did not stay
you would not stay

The steel door with the one wire reinforc3d small window shuts behind the seated woman. On the table are three items of interest. �We search all luggage now, shopping bags, purses, with special looks on satchels like yours; heightened security with EU alerts.� Item one: a small square of newsprint, a declaration statement stamped with the Ruse border station inspection mark. Item two: a banded block of uncirculated one hundred dollar notes in United States currency, the band�s blue lettering indicating that the total value is ten-thousand dollars. Item three: a ten-inch long micro-millimeter thin band of flexible ceramic composition, night black with only a slight muted reflection from the rooms startling florescent white lighting.

Trust betrayed
Trust betrayed
Promises made
Futures laid unmade

�This is special interest� the inquisitor points but does not touch the blade. �This, this cuts. Many hands cut by this in inspection. No manufacture mark, no Internet search finds this, not even Interpol.� The woman�s sea-green eyes crease slightly at the corners with a very minute cobweb pattern of shallow wrinkles extending outward. �Culinary use; I enjoy cooking� a slight pale lipped smile on her mouth.

Lies paid
Lies paid
You made your grave
You never stayed

The foam plastic cup of tea steams, untouched, before the woman. There is no clock in this room, no adornment to the bare white surfaces of the walls. No measurement of the passage of time. The Chief Inspector does not wear a wristwatch; the plain band of gold on his left hand ring finger is marred by scratches, signs of the length of time it has pressed into the flesh of the finger. It is hour eighteen of the interview. �We contact Swedish embassy as you request; they are sending representative. They insist you on release, in spirit of cooperation we agree.� The last stated with the scowled finality of an issuance of bureaucratic hierarchies. The file is neatly closed and lays, perfectly aligned with the table edges, flat on the gray rubber surface. The inquisitor�s tie has been loosened at the neck, its red-silk fabric has left a still visible collar imprint on the man�s neck where the top is now unbuttoned. The woman makes no sign of acknowledgment.

The Chief Inspector raises his hands cupping them behind his head and stretches, leaning back he sighs. �Tell me please now, no record, some truth of this.� The expanse of his belly curves the lower extent of the crimson silk of the loosened tie. The woman smiles fully now, the bright white of her teeth rivaling that of the only exposed skin of her; face, neck and hands. �Let me tell you a story �� Her blue eyes glitter and dance.

Anger�s thrust
Anger�s thrust
Vanity lust
Vanity�s lust

Ring around
Ring around
Ring around the pyre
Ring the witch�s fire

�Strega? What do you mean strega?� The frustrated man charged with endless inquiries frowns, �This word is italian.� The Inspector smirks and softly mutters �Vrajitoare, vampir; ce tip de gunoiul.� The woman smiles softly at the Inspector�s denial. �I thought the two of us sisters Inspector; and when I opened my heart completely what I found that I�d placed within it was not a lover, but vampyren. Rather than share my love she drank as quickly and completely as she could and then, still soul-less, she fled.�

Dance and dust
Dance and dust
In pride remain
In pride you lay

The Chief Inspector stubs his narrow mass-produced cigarette out on the floor with the toe of his highly polished thick-soled shoe. It joins the ash and flattened butts of three others that he has consumed. There is a knock at the door and the petite grey-cloaked frame of the woman rises from her chair. She turns and looks down at the Inspector as he rises with the scr'apng noise of his chair�s legs on the black linoleum. She pulls the hood of the wool cloak over her blonde head. �There�s only one way to ki11 a vampyre Inspector.� Her sudden scarlet lips pout. �Has the snow ended?�


� Amanda 2014
woven - http://fav.me/d7ygc8u

*blue ermin loop� http://www.flirt4free.com/forums * Quote

. lovers - rider .

. rider .

"The greatest weapon anyone can use on us is our own mind, by preying on the doubts and uncertainties that already lurk there. Are we true to ourselves or do we live for the expectations of others; and if we are open and honest, can we ever truly be loved? Can we find the courage to release our deepest secrets? Or in the end are we all unknowable? Even to ourselves.� � Emily nee Amanda, �Revenge, Season 1 Episode � Duplicity�


Texas is a plague, as is the craft of nursing. To extend the range of pain beyond the wide-open expanses of an over-run dust desert, that is how they operate in concert.

A friend had introduced her to me, in a crowded room. �You�ll like her Mandy�, and I had. At first slightly startled that she made her appearance where we were, I quickly warmed to her. This was before all of the drama, which followed so quickly, and her complexities began to be presented.


Tentative from experience
I kept my hesitation;
yet still my loneliness
overwhelmed consideration.

The dichotomies extended
in every dimension possible;
not only her desired affirmations,
identity became a question.


We danced and sparked and flew quickly from one channel to another of communication; public places of sweet exposure to quiet-voiced, night long t�te-�-t�tes. My �friends only girl� rocketed to �oh shit darling it�s happened again� with this reflection in fragments only, signs of forms of deception, a kabuki play of desire, intervention and attendant inattention. My lust and love knew no fenced range while my previous experiences hung razor warning wire questions that cut quick in my defense.

One person here, with a sequenced legend; another there mounted and ready to ride to Texas truck-stop music. A third, yes a third, scrub garbed, respectable to the point of admirable then her hands upon herself in the most unlikely locations. A fourth, fifth, and sixth and she was rivaling me for multiplicity.

A quick-fire alteration to her preferred orientation, accompanied by both promised meeting on a date unspecified and a confrontational familial declaration. �I�m queer for this specific girl� announced to her intimate circle without my consultation. The kabuki machine was now in hyper-light full operation. �Stop; be careful, consider all of the impacts. Your not-yet ex has proven violent do you really want to drop me into that?� �Please let�s go a little slower my darling desired one; we need to know each other better.�


I�d make a movie
to rival all the soft porn;
a �Nine and � weeks�
burnt into cinema seats
in only ten days, and I the
artistic, leaving-lonely, heroine.

I�d write the script
with influences of the holy
that I consider love to be;
wishing she had lived before
�mi historia de amor�
and never a sequel.


Ten days more or less, of wicked, horsewhipped, cruel happiness; tempered and branded by the hot iron of my consciousness. She�d brought smiles and desires back to me from the Infierno del Vampiro I�d too recently experienced. I was being mounted, ridden bucking and kicking and finally tossing my rider. Challenged over and again, foam sweated by my saddled one, but standing, stamping, unbroken. I snort and will not whinny.

� Amanda 2014




woven - http://fav.me/d7ymk3w


*blue ermin loop� ... killin' Texas ... http://www.flirt4free.com/forums * Quote

. Twitter Poetry � 8 .

Malignant narcissism
masked by oh so needy
Faux inadequacy

Drama b1ood buckets
O�er flowing sentiments
Spilled Taiwanese
spittoon of love


� Amanda 2014

woven - http://fav.me/d7zsuzl

*blue ermin loop� touch and repeat ... touch and repeat ... touch ... http://www.flirt4free.com/forums *
Quote

. Twitter Poetry � 9 .

fausses promesses
faux amis
faux sexualit�
faux mots d'amour exprim�es
faux po�sie
faux courage
Twitter � ne finit jamais

� Amanda 2014



*blue ermin loop� "itnernet friendships aer not possible, internet acquaintances the best you have hope of" - "trust is a four letter word pronouned 'fuck you'" yiddish saying http://www.flirt4free.com/forums *

Quote

. stomp .

cold bitch
dark heart
faint praise on any
fuckin day
night walks
night stalks
th' sound of my heart
steel burnt beam crush
my lust's rust
Redskin couped
Injun burnt
Plains bitch scalped
what never counts
"High Art" lived an' lost
netflick fuck'd an' licked
paid th' cost
tweaker twatter prozac batter
psycho'd bitch drama
little sister romper stomper

� Amanda_Fucking_Graham 2014

yeah ... i'm a white western-desert b'yotch ... not country ... western; and i ride sweated hard and whipped harder ... so hide baby girl ride away ... 'm jus a dust-storm on 'nother horizon blown hard t'day



... fer You ya cackling feathered-sistah ...



Quote

. illumination .

Father � Ohhh a match! It might afford her a world of comfort.
Amanda � If only she dared to strike one.
Father � It was a bright and wondrous flame, like a candle. She carefully warmed her hands over it. It was �
Amanda � a wonderful light.

Emily nee Amanda � �Revenge � episode Illumination�

There�s a clatter-grind to it. No matter which direction she takes it gets no louder, no clearer. It takes on no gain or diminishment in its memoried sound of something similar to a depleting, dry-pumping oil field rocker-rig. It lacks that heavy thick steel sound of the pumps in desert fields, on ranch spreads, even standing in some cities tower stands of offices. It�s thinner, like pieces of sheet steel rolled thin and being rubbed by some artist of irritation; some Rube Goldberg thing, unlatched and in constant repetition. She�s been in motion for over an hour, not seeking the source but heading to set paid to an obligation. That idea of meeting it, that image and its potential frighten her. Confronting some finger ripping, hair tearing, meat eating metallic creature in the night; that�s not on her mission list in these dark hours.

She�s had her friendships; in her years she�s had many. They�ve been involved and superficial; everyone knows the range of that and so no need describing all of it. She�s had lovers, family members, those that reach deep with needs, hers and their own. She has a part-timed daughter she longs for. You have heard of her young one before, of course. She stops on the corner over there, the one outside the glare of the horrid orange sodium glare where the Federalist period brick house was torn down and trucked away only two weeks ago. Reaching into her jacket pocket she pulls a crumpled Kleenex out and blows her nose and wipes carefully. She�s caution itself with nose crud and the possible embarrassment; and with the genetic trails we all shed from ourselves. It�s 3:47 HRS by the glow numerals and hands of the large-faced Russian watch on her right wrist but she�s not checking the time, just pacing it. She wears two chronometers, but we don�t know the time that�s kept on the leather banded one on her left. All we see of it is the crinkled leather, worn on its edges, and a glint from its lens.

That rhythm of the metal-motion carries cross the river below the ridge line she traces with her steps. It�s valueless, restrains judgment in its pattern of harshness. It�ll be another forty-five minutes or so until a paired-quad of diesels pulls a half-mile of unloaded container cars along the tracks laid through the town. Their air horns will moan twice at each road they�ll cross. Six times, the steel and oil dinosaurs will warn. Her shadow shifts and circles sundial as she steps onto the asphalt road, striding further on her quest.

The friends she�s made in this town of nine months occupation are few, and none yet close-held enough to waken with a call or a knock upon a door. Some have been made through business, some by repeated facial recognition, with which in passing, she exchanges slight waves or �Hey�s. Only two might yet meet the levels of consideration she extends to those she loves, and one is married, the other paired already.

Down the slope of the perpendicular street to the right there�s light and motion still. A few of the young, wandering their ways back to bed to say their prayers, or not. It�s Friday night run into Saturday morn. She cocks her shorn head and listens to the clatter-grind continue from its steady distance. Her march continues down the slope, she has an appointment scheduled and she will arrive first. Her departure, as always, unnoticed.



�A person�s true identity can often be difficult to discern, even to themselves. Causing one to question their character, their calling, their very existence. For most, time provides clarity but for others these questions remain unanswered, for an identity cannot be fully defined when it is a guarded secret.�
Emily nee Amanda � �Revenge � episode Identity�

� Amanda 2014



#KillinTexas Quote

. twitter muse .

i gave you a small questionnaire
not in French
masking its lust

you answered only

affirmatives ... non-responsive
demanding my own
exposition

nicely played Tex.

� Amanda 2014



*blue ermin loop� some other twat on Twit� 6h6 hours ago
my thoughts of you are incessant relentless without any semblance of mercy. http://www.flirt4free.com/forums *

#KillinTexas Quote

. out .

each in envy
all far apart
in endings
anger in their hearts
sadly learn my lesson
love has no ending
I alone remember

� Amanda 2014



*blue ermin loop� http://www.flirt4free.com/forums *


Quote

.liar.

these cycles
painted compliments
blue and red
heated words
warm skin
promises to be
just let in
you go off
again

� Amanda 2014





*blue ermin loop� of Returns ====> http://www.flirt4free.com/forums * Quote

[...]

I am a city of body armor
Ruthless plastic encased ceramic
Abrade I drip padding
Hearts rip never given home
Speak me as warning

� Amanda 2014


Quote

.to be loved.

i do not wish to be loved
that piddling passing flash

or

the mamby-pamby
"Let me give you a hug, i love you"

dismissive vocal ending

�love you�
a followed click a sheet rustle


or

that unending steady state of welfare devotion
tempered by days and nights
of pure regret resentment

or

"Thou art human God loves you"
�This is a good book you�ll love it�

or

"I just love kittens and puppies"
"babies"

or

"I love it when you rub my shoulders"
�� take it deeper lover oh god I love how you moan and scream and choke��
"yes ... just a little lower baby ... yes love that"

or

"God Mandy look, I love those boots"
(nom.nom)�d
even if I�d press them between my thighs
and sigh
pointed toe arch narrow heel handhold

over and over �

or

"She's your sister of course you ..."


fuck that
fuck that all completely with YOUR dick

even if you don�t have one
that "love" so shallow
that convolution of concept

tossed like p3tals at some

wedded exit

that panty-waisted word
diluted til like �God� it has no value


that loss in life of ALL that i
want you to devour �


your weeping in hours
hunger in belly
that no food satisfies

a continuing unbalance
that missing a step requires


i want to be Beloved



acid on your skin
itching inside your eye
all your missions never completely accomplished
dull metal forever skewering
every mewling moment a distraction

the awkward hard-on that males have occur
each eighteen minutes

your period every moment
of every day, girl,
twisting you into never satisfying shapes
convulsing and throbbing

the migraine that takes you into the dark
puts jolting wires in your brain

day after Day after DAY AFTER DAY



the drink taken after you�ve herniated
bent over dripping only drool
burst every vessel in your eyes
that doesn�t even touch
the morning tremble to your chewed nails
gnawed cuticle hands

the twelfth nicotine patch you are wearing
while lighting up again with 3 in the ashtray
BURNING
the urgency of diarrhea on a city bus
that you have to rush with
tender bit caught in zippered crush

obsession that draws you far-far too close
sleepless walking streets
subconscious pencil scribbling my name
on notes to others

perfume on some passerby
the note of it spinning you to look
back and recognize
�It�s not her dear god it�s not�


don�t come at me with something �sweet�
clipped yet still living blossoms
boxes of raspberry chocolate
those beautiful fluttering ribbons
butterflies flaming in flight

do not 'tender'
'shelter defend support strengthen'
those things come
like sprayed spittle
cast asides spun diffuse thin
aftermath side-effects

bring me anguish to touch and suck
flesh ruined painted cut and bleeding
a need that sharpens teeth and crushes bones
your machine and all you own and all you are

dust



I want to be your pyre

Beloved.


� Amanda 2014

Quote

like the ghosts they are
floating back in and out
of your favorite bar
they haunt

� Amanda 2014


Quote

While you sat through your life
battered an doin wife things
i burnt skies, bridges, lives
including my own
so just blow me
with your sighs.

� Amanda 2014


Quote

just wanted wish u a merry Christmas Amanda hope all is well lol Quote

their faces
cast my own
curve high forehead
grey blue eyes
wind cut narrow
center thin nose
cheeks wide worn
memory home



some ask the question
why do you love the cold
this is my only answer
i am the North

i never settle
never stay
thin and blown hard
cut crush and frozen
never with you
always someplace else

� Amanda 2014
Quote

Quote