On Understanding Dom-space, Sub-space, Aftercare and the BDSM ego:
The Ego in BDSM:
The ego in BDSM and fetish play serves a very interesting role. It's obvious for some that fetish play and BDSM are means to the end of sexual gratification or sexual liberation. Though for others, reasons for engaging in BDSM and fetish play become much more complex. While the marvel of unconventional sexual gratification and release motivates some to seek fetish and BDSM play, the benefits of indulging often profoundly exceed what the seeker imagines. In this sense BDSM and fetish play can become very spiritual experiences, ones that not only transcend insecurities but also the egotistical sense of self.
The ego is the sense of self that operates within us all; the ego is the inherent ‘I’, our sense of being that separates us from the rest of the world. It is the way in which we view and identify ourselves, who we believe ‘me’ to be. The ego is the voice inside your head that mitigates between your unconscious instinctual urges and the influence of your moral compass. The ego is represented in the states of ‘I am right’ or ‘I am not right’. BDSM activities allow participants to penetrate and transcend that sense of ‘I’, the sense of separateness from everything else. At once, participants are deeply connected to the scene and slip into a state of tranquility, togetherness, experience heightened focus, and sometimes an explosion of passionate energy that vibrates throughout the entire body.
Domspace and subspace (collectively ‘head space’) are the mind-states experienced by Dom and subs in play. Essentially when someone transitions into a BDSM headspace, they are transitioning into an altered state of consciousness. Seeking altered states of consciousness has been an activity practiced throughout history; by religious folk, mystics, shamans, and so on. The altered states of consciousness like BDSM headspaces help facilitate the mindset of a power exchange, of sovereign and subordinate. Once actualized and understood, headspaces within power exchanges can become the means to spiritual liberation.
Domspace and the Ego:
Domspace is the altered state of consciousness experienced by a Dominant in BDSM and fetish play that channels the spiritual fervor within. The Dominant in Domspace experiences hyper-awareness, feeling attuned to the submissive in the scene, and deeply connected to the point where they can ‘feel’ the sub’s sensations. This type of reaction is caused by the brain releasing endorphins and adrenaline into your system as a response to receiving pleasure. The Dominant in Domspace is able to channel the divinity within, actualizing the inherent Dominant energy that exists within us all. In this way, the Dominant feels ever-powerful, meaningfully bound to the responsibility of the sub’s safe keeping. You might ask ‘how does Domspace overcome the ego? Doesn’t Domspace generally build up the ego?’ Contrary to that belief however, Domspace helps the Dominant overcome a false sense of ego by emphasizing how important they are to their sub.
The Dominant in a scene assumes the responsibility of the submissive, to ensure that their safety and welfare is always the number one priority. The Dominant player here can no longer assume that they don’t matter; in that moment they can no longer see themselves as just another face in the crowd but instead must embody divine authority. In taking on their subordinate role, the submissive expects the Dominant to embody divine power, to use it for the benefit of the submissive. In Domspace, the Dominant cares for the sub’s energies in a way that unites them like yin and yang. All of the power in the scene is relinquished to the Dominant, in a way that allows the Dominant to connect with the sub on such a profound and tranquil level that the Dominant is able to transcend their sense of ‘I’ to adopt a sense of ‘we’. In this moment, the Dominant feels expanded, empowered and egoless; they transcend identity and gain a sense of divine, spiritual unity.
Subspace and the Ego:
Subspace is the altered state of consciousness experienced by a submissive during a scene. Subs may or may not experience subspace, depending on how intense the play scene is. Subspace is elusive; it exists somewhere in between consciousness and dream-states. The more you focus and try to attain subspace, the harder it will be to achieve. Subspace is something that happens naturally in a scene, probably when you least expect it. When a sub enters subspace, they experience feeling high, intoxicated, overwhelmingly relaxed and warm. Subs in subspace generally can exhibit incoherence, a change in reaction to sensations, day-dream like symptoms, and can sometime even revert to a feral state where communication becomes difficult. Scientifically speaking, the tranquility of subspace is caused by your brain releasing endorphins and adrenaline into your body in response to either feeling vulnerable or experiencing physical pain.
Subs in subspace willingly and consciously give up their power and control over to the Dom in the scene, essentially surrendering the egotistical ideal of ‘I know what’s right’. By surrendering their will to something greater then themselves, they are stepping into the unknown, blindly trusting the Dominant to guide them on their spiritual journey. Through the sub’s act of willingly surrendering their will over to the Dominant, they become one with the Dominant, and one with the intense energy guiding the scene. By surrendering their control over to the Dominant in the scene, subs in deep subspace transcend their sense of ego ‘I am’ and adopt a sense of tranquil ‘we are’. This transcendent state can be entrancingly peaceful, therapeutic and stress-relieving.
Dom-Drop, Sub-Drop, and Aftercare:
Dom-Drop and sub-drop are sensations experienced by both Dominant and submissive after the trance-inducing chemicals (adrenaline, endorphins, ect.) that thrust one into BDSM headspace wear off. Once this process starts to occur, both participants may experience a mental, physical and/or emotional low point. Participants may feel emotionally exhausted, fatigued, cold/hot, depressed, hungry, thirsty, confused, giggly etc. Aftercare refers to the process of caring for participants after a scene has ended and Dom-drop or sub-drop has begun.
Dom-Drop and sub-drop are sensations experienced by both Dominant and submissive after the trance-inducing chemicals (adrenaline, endorphins, ect.) that thrust one into BDSM headspace wear off. Once this process starts to occur, both participants may experience a mental, physical and/or emotional low point. Participants may feel emotionally exhausted, fatigued, cold/hot, depressed, hungry, thirsty, confused, giggly etc. Aftercare refers to the process of caring for participants after a scene has ended and Dom-drop or sub-drop has begun.
Headspace and Aftercare in Webcam Sessions:
Headspace is also achievable in webcam fetish chat.
Dominants usually experience Domspace in most if not every D/s scene, whenever they are given the responsibility of playing with and protecting their sub. Webcam fetish chat is no exception. It can be said that Domspace is very important in fetish webcam chat because the Dominant must be hyper-aware of the sub’s non-verbal cues. A sub in subspace can often regress into a feral state where communication becomes impaired, and this is the precise moment when the Dominant must be aware of non-verbal communication. Non-verbal communication may indicate that the sub is nearing their emotional or physical limitations. If the Dominant receives cues that indicate the sub is nearing their limits, it’s the Dominants responsibility to end or reduce the severity of the scene to care for the submissive.
Aftercare in fetish webcam chat is not only common but beneficial. Like after any scene, aftercare is important and is carried out in different ways, depending on the kinkster. Its common in fetish webcam chat for participants to talk about the scene: what they enjoyed, what they didn’t enjoy, how it made them feel, how it made they think, etc. Aftercare in fetish webcam sessions placate the psyche, and also aid in the building of trust and respect between Dominant and submissive. Aftercare always ensures the health and prosperity of both participants after play, whether it is IRL or in webcam chat.
