BDSM/Fetish Glossary
'Top', 'Bottom', 'Switch', 'Dominant' and 'Submissive':
In BDSM, 'Top' refers to a dominant partner in play (flogging, binding, being Master) while 'Bottom' refers to a submissive person in sexual play (being flogged, tied, or made to serve, slave). Sometimes in play, the person taking on the role of the Master can assume the position of a 'Bottom' and instruct the submissive person on how to fuck (as a 'Top') instead of be fucked (as a 'Bottom').
The term 'Switch' refers to individuals who play both dominant and submissive roles.
Domination:
Domination refers to one individual (Dominant) controlling another individual (Submissive), or someone who takes a superior role over another. A Dominant can be either a Dom (male) or Domme (female). Dominant persons can also take on the role of "Master".
D/s relationships are virtually limitless and take various forms. Chastity training, slaves, sissy training, cuckholding, public humiliation, and corporal punishment are all examples of D/s relationships. In D/s relationships, it is argued that love and trust are often the core values. Relinquishing control of your sexuality over to another person in a positive way involves immense amounts of trust and love for and from your play lover.
Foot worship:
Foot fetishism or foot worshiping involves a pronounced sexual interest in feet or footwear. Points of attraction include shape and size of the food and toes (long toes, short toes, wide feet, flat feet), jewelry, treatments, state of dress, and sensory interaction (licking, kissing, sucking, ect.). Love for the heels of feet in particular also has a number of special audiences. It is argued that foot fetishism is one of the most popular fetishes. People can have a sexual or a non-sexual triggered-arousal to feet, both of which are considered fetishes. This can also be considered a form of Female domination.
Humiliation/Public Humiliation:
Humiliation/Public humiliation can be described as being humiliated during play or humiliating another during play. Public humiliation is just a variant of humiliation that takes place in a public setting, where participants value humiliation because they are humiliated often in front of others. While humiliation may play an active role in D/s based activities, humiliation is not the same as submission. In humiliation, the recipient/bottom doesn"t necessarily want to be ordered about and submit, but values scenes or acts because of the level of belittlement involved. They attribute specific humiliating aspects to acts, objects or body parts. Humiliation varies from physical to verbal, ranging from verbal insults or disparaging to body worship, discipline, or dictating dress code. CBT is a form of physical humiliation.
Submission:
Submission involves being controlled/allowing someone to control you who you seen and treat as a superior. At the most basic level, typically involving a D/s relationship, the submissive [bottom] submits to some extent to the Dominant and aims to please. Foundations for D/s relationships rest on established trust, honesty, and clear communication. In a healthy D/s relationship, both participants in the situation know their objectives and boundaries. This can take the form of simple daily rituals, like a sub taking his Dom coffee every day at 10am, to other more complicated tasks like being bound and gagged and receiving punishment for improper behavior (in the eyes of the Dom). Having a D/s relationship and taking on the role of a sub doesn"t mean that the sub is submissive in everyday life. This goes vice versa for the Dom.
A submissive is the individual who assumes the subordinate role in play. Submissive persons can also take on the role of "slaves".
PantyHose/Stocking:
This involves a specific sexual interest in woman's stockings/pantyhose. The attraction to these objects may stem from the look or feel of the material, such as nylon or silk, garter belts, or to the act of simply removing the stockings. The pantyhose/stocking fetish can manifest in a multitude of different ways:
- Tearing or cutting holes in pantyhose to modify the garment or gain access to the wearer's body.
- Wearing of pantyhose by either or both partners during sexual activity.
- A male wearing pantyhose alone or in front of others who may praise or humiliate him.
- Using pantyhose as bondage restraints.
- Interacting with pantyhose in any other way or form during sexual activity.
- Simply observing/admiring and experiencing heightened arousal/interest of females or males who are wearing pantyhose.
- Viewing material from store catalogues to pornography of models and actors wearing pantyhose.
- A man or woman in pantyhose encasement.
Bondage is the B in BDSM. Bondage is consensually tying, binding, or retraining a partner for erotic, aesthetic, and/or somatosensory (touch) stimulation. Sexuality and erotica are an important aspect in bondage, but bondage may be used as an "end" in and of itself, like in the case of rope bondage(binding with intricate rope designs) or breast bondage (specifically binding the breasts in intricate rope designs. Bondage also can relate to submission and domination, specifically because a common reason for the active partner to tie up the passive partner so both may gain pleasure from the restrained partner' feeling of submission. This can also relate to the temporary transfer of control and power, temporary TPE.
Paddling, spanking, and whips:
Paddling, spanking, and whips have everything to do with erotic spanking. Spanking for sexual arousal can take many forms, ranging from spanking with the palm of the hand to spanking with intricate whips and paddles. Caning, flogging, birching using a tawse and using riding crops are also forms of erotic spanking. Different tools produce different results and different levels of sensations. Spanking using paddles and whips relates to corporal punishment play as well.
Jerk-off Instruction:
Jerk-off instruction, or more commonly known as JOI, is somewhat self-explanatory. One person, usually a Domme, provides both visual and verbal commands on how to masturbate. Teasing and orgasm denial are usually integral aspects of this process. Non-extreme versions of submission also connect to this, in the sense that some element of submission is always present when one is receiving instruction. JOI is popular because not all instances of instruction are Dominating in the sense that they degrade the person who Is jacking-off. As such, JOI can also be seen as a form of humiliation play. JOI can also take on the more extreme form of sadism and masochism, in the sense that the Domme could instruct the student to inflict pain on themselves for sexual pleasure.
Orgasm control/denial:
Orgasm control/denial involves the restriction of orgasmic release using various methods. This can also take the form of teasing and forced orgasms. This relates largely to JOI and the use of chastity devices to restrict arousal and stimulation. Orgasm control/denial is also used in many D/s relationships.
CBT:
Cock and ball torture (CBT) is a sexual activity involving application of pain or constriction to the male genitals. This may involve directly painful activities, such as wax play, genital spanking, squeezing, ball-busting, genital flogging, urethral play, tickle torture, erotic electrostimulation or even kicking the genitals. The recipient of such activities may receive direct physical pleasure via masochism, or emotional pleasure through erotic humiliation, or pleasure through knowing that the play is pleasing to a Dom or Domme. Many of these practices carry significant health risks due to the levels of intensity involved in CBT.
Sugar Daddy:
Sugar Daddies are typically considered rich older men or women who shower their sugar babies with gifts and money in exchange for companionship and favors. Sugar daddies can sometimes have one or multiple sugar babies. Sugar daddies can often be seen sponsoring their sugar baby' next pedi/mani or paying their monthly bills.
Pain and punishment:
Pain and Punishment play relates to practices within the scope of BDSM where pain is the primary focus and objective for sexual gratification, whether through inflicting another or being inflicted. Pain and Punishment also relates to Domination, public humiliation, paddling/spanking/whipping, JOI, CBT, corporal punishment, corset punishment, ect.
Financial domination (Findom):
Findom involves people who enjoy being financially Dominated or people who enjoy doing the financial Domination. Typically, a Domme or Dominatrix (Professional Domme) financially controls her pet or "pay pig", either by giving her pay pig tasks to complete, like weight-loss goals, dressing up in drag or by drastically limiting her pay pigs" spending habits. Some pay pigs pay their mistresses a weekly allowance while others spend their entire paychecks on their mistresses. The point of findom is not the transaction that takes place between the mistress and the pay pig, but the level of domination involved in the relationship through controlling of finances. Blackmail fantasies are also common in the findom world, but blackmail is a federal crime which leaves room for trepidation.
Breast Play/Breast Worship:
Breast play or breast worship involves exactly that; the strong attraction to/desire to play with breasts. Breast play can be a fetish for either the partner doing the playing or the partner being played with. Breast play can range from simply desiring to caressing breasts, to the use of nipple clamps to more extreme forms of breast play like breast bondage. This can also take the form of an interest in lactation, where people have the desire to ingest breast lactation.
Slaves:
In contrast to D/s relationships, Master/slave relationships are often based on service and obedience. The term "slave" is used because of its association with ownerships rights, i.e. the Master owns the slave. In this type of relationship, the Master holds the rights to their slave' body, as property or chattel. Males assuming the Dominant role in this relationship are generally called Master while females may prefer to be called Master or Mistress depending on whether they identify with the "Leather" BDSM path. Particularly important to this fetish, is the differentiation between the "Leather" and "Non-Leather" path.
- The "Leather" path, according to "Master/Slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice" by Robert J. Rubel, refers to the "outgrowth of returning gay GIs from WWII, who often associated with motorcycle gangs in the 1950's and 1960's. They bring hierarchy, protocol and spirituality to their modern-day practices."
- The 'Non-Leather' path grew out of the swinging movement of the 1960s and even earlier. The Leather path has a greater focus on amorous love.
The slave in an M/s relationship is a special kind of submissive; the submissive doesn't always participate in some kind of sexual activity. Furthermore, if the slave does participate in sexual activities, the sexual aspect could be conventional and not necessarily BDSM. Slaves often wear collars, and even go as far as to let their Masters adopt them. Slave contracts that denote the M/s relationship in general are also not uncommon.
M/s relationships can also take the form of slave training, which involves a consensual power exchange between M & s, where the objective is to change the slave's behavior in a manner that is pleasing to the Master/Mistress.
**If you would like to read more about Master/slave relations, please read Master/Slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice" by Robert J. Rubel.
Legs:
Leg worship involves the worship of legs. Specific parts of interest include calves, ankles, thighs and feet.
Roleplay & Costumes:
Sexual roleplay involves a strong erotic element. Roleplay often involves sexual fantasies played out and includes different levels of seriousness. Some roleplay is as simple as makeshift to detail with costumes and a script. The roleplay may range from public to private. Examples of roleplay include the Doctor/nurse/patient relationship, escort/client, executive/secretary, Photographer/model, stripper/client, teacher/student, ect. This can also take the form of age play (acting or treating another like they are a different age), animal play (animal roleplay; furries community), Gender play, Owner-inanimate object (bottom being a chair leg), Guard/prisoner, torturer/captive, ect.
Smoking:
Sexual fetish based on smoking cigarettes, e-cigs or smoking cigars.
Sissy Training:
Sissy training, 'sissification", or "feminization" is an activity whereby a female Mistress transforms the perceived gender of her male sub.Cross-dressing is important in sissy training, as it is an important element in stripping the masculinity from the sub. Mistresses can also add to this aspect by calling their sub by a feminized version of their name, i.e. "John" to "Jane".
Cuckholding:
Cuckholding is an activity that involves three parties, either a husband and wife duo or two people in a committed relationship, and lastly someone who takes on the role of the "bull". There are three aspects or parts to/of cuckholding; (1) the husband is aware of his wife' adultery, (2) the husband-wife duo care about each other very deeply, (3) and the third party or "bull". The husband in the relationship is referred to as the "cuckhold". The husband is being cuckholded.
In regards to the first aspect, the husband' awareness of his wife' adultery is on a spectrum. Some couples simply enjoy the knowledge that their partner is sexually engaging with someone else to be enough to enjoy, while others enjoy direct participation. In a more direct approach, the committed male might be in a separate room listening to the activity or he might be watching.
In regards to the second aspect, the intimacy between the couple, is developed and evolved. The husband and wife duo have formed strong bonds and care about each other deeply. It is unlikely that someone would call themselves a cuckhold if they were merely engaging in the activity itself as a sexual partner and nothing more.
Levels of abuse in cuckholding activities range from mild to extreme. Some husbands may watch and play with themselves during play, while more extreme versions involve the wife verbally disgracing her husband' ability to please her while she' being handled by the bull. Some husbands are also made to clean up after the bulls, which involves an element of humiliation.
Cum-Eating:
This involves the act of eating cum. This can range from the desire to play with or share the ingestion of cum, being shown or showing someone how to eat cum, CEI (cum eating instructions, similar to JOI), watching someone eat their own cum, ect.
Collar & Leash:
Collars and leashes are often used in D/s and M/s relationships as an object of control/ownership. Collars and leashes are often used in erotic role play and humiliation, and are utilized in a wide variety of different fetishes. These are more or less accessories, often worn by subs or slaves. Some also participate in "Collaring" ceremonies which honor and symbolize the relationship between D/s or M/s, having similar significance to a wedding ring.
Wearing a collar may similarly be a signal to others that the submissive is "owned" by or is in a relationship with a Dominant, and that the wearer has been formally collared. It may also be a potently tangible symbol of the relationship itself or of the ownership the submissive is held in. A lockable collar may further symbolize a transfer of power from the submissive to the Dominant holding the key.
Anal Training:
Anal training involves the act of training the anus for anal sex. This allows the anus to accommodate larger objects with ease. This is an important aspect of anal play because it helps prevent anal injuries during play. It is recommended that those inexperienced in anal play go through at least a bit of anal training. In a D/s relationship, anal training can be used as a part of TPE.
Gags & Blindfolds:
Gags and blindfolds are used in a variety of BDSM/fetish activities. They are used more as accessories, but can also be a central component in sexual gratification for some. Gags and blindfolds are often used in conjunction with D/s and M/s relationships, bondage, and roleplay because they offer an element of powerlessness to those being gagged or blindfolded.
Leather:
A sexual interest in wearing leather clothing, leather accessories involved in erotic play, or sexual interest in a partner who's wearing leather.
Discipline:
The literal meaning of discipline is taken from the word disciple, which means "a follower, one who takes another as a teacher (therefore, she is the disciple and you will teach her (discipline her). Discipline is a form of training to produce a specified character or pattern of behavior. Once trained, the disciple maintains a state of order based on submission to rules and authority. In BDSM, discipline is an active ingredient for both M/s and D/s relationships. Discipline, which differs from punishment, focuses on training methods that closely correlate to the misbehavior, whereas punishment is arbitrary, involves no training methods, and doesn"t correlate to the misbehavior.
Wet & Messy:
Wet & messy (WAM), also known as sploshing refers to sexual arousal from copious amounts of a substance being applied to the naked skin, face, or clothing. Some are fond of the tactile sensations of the wet and/or messy substances again their skin, while other individuals prefer to watch others get wet & messy. This can often take the form of someone being pelted with cream pies, having slime dumped on them, or sitting on cakes. Substances most commonly focuses on by WAM participants include whipped cream, raw eggs, lotion, paint, oil, mud, pudding, chocolate sauce, shaving foam, custard, baked beans, ice cream, ect.
Tattoos & Piercings:
Tattoo and Piercing fetishes can range on a spectrum. In the extreme form, play piercing involves piercing and body modification done for the purpose of enjoying the experience rather than producing a permanent body decoration. Play piercing can produce an intense natural endorphin high which can last for hours and can induce orgasm. Needles or other tools used in play piercing are removed from the body when the scene is complete, allowing the wounds to heal.
In the simpler form, people may find themselves sexually aroused by subjects who have tattoos or piercings.
Exhibitionism:
Exhibitionism as a fetish is the act of being aroused by exposing one's private body parts in a public or semi-public setting. This may range from the desire to expose oneself to groups of friends, acquaintances or strangers for sexual satisfaction to having intercourse with your partner in the same types of settings. One may be fond of being an exhibitionist or one may simply be fond of being witness to exhibitionism.
Latex:
Latex fetishism can also be called PVC (polyvinyl chloride) fetishism. This involves a sexual attraction to or the experience of arousal by way of latex clothing. This can take the form of either wearing latex clothing or being aroused by someone else wearing latex clothing. One of the main elements for a Latex fetishist is that the latex operates as a "second skin" that acts as a surrogate for the wearer' own skin. Thus, wearers of skin-tight latex or PVC garments may be perceived by the viewer as being naked, or simply coated in a shiny substance like paint.
Stiletto:
This involves those who are sexually aroused by the look of wearing stiletto high heels or those who are sexually aroused by wearing stiletto high heels themselves. Specifically this involves shoes with a stiletto, or sharply pointed heel. Stiletto play can range from watching one walk around in stilettos to handling and using stiletto shoes as an object in sexual gratification or humiliation.
Big Toys:
This involves being sexually aroused by way of large toys, i.e. large dildos, large butt plugs, large anal beads, ect.
Face-sitting:
Face sitting, otherwise known as "queening" or "kinging", is a sexual practice in which one partner sits on or over the other's face, typically to allow or force oral-genital or oral-anal contact. Face sitting is commonly found in D/s relationships, as it demonstrates superiority.
Rope Bondage:
Rope bondage is a common type of bondage, where various types of rope are used in restraint. In these scenarios, some prefer struggling and attempting to break free from the rope, while others prefer the feeling of capturing and holding another person in captivity. Rope bondage can be used as a utilitarian restraint used for further play, or as an end unto itself with complex patterns and forms, designed to beautifully captivate a willing participant. Material, length, diameter, elasticity, burn rate and whether the rope is braided or twisted are important variations in rope play. There are many different types of knots that could be used, including the square knot, overhand knot, lark' head knot, half hitch, ect. Ties can range from single column to two column ties. Style and approach varies depending on the regional influence.
Voyeurism:
Voyeurism is the sexual interest in or practice of spying on people engaged in intimate behaviors, such as undressing, sexual activity, or other actions usually considered being of private nature. The term Voyeurism comes from the French word voyeur which translates to "one who looks". Voyeurism is an active element for users on all cam sites because they are essentially participating in consensual voyeurism, like watching a model masturbate or watching a couple engage in intercourse. The other aspect of Voyeurism, nonconsensual voyeuristic behavior, includes using peepholes, spying or using concealed cameras to records individuals in public environments.
Food Play:
Food play refers to sexual arousal by way of erotic situations involving food. Foods that have a sexual connotation are often used in food play, like sausages or bananas.
Cross-Dressing:
Cross-dressing is the act of wearing the clothes of the opposite gender. This can range from a sexual arousal in watching people cross dress to cross-dressing in general to being instructed on how to cross-dress. The latter involves aspects of a D/s or M/s relationship, as cross dressing can be used as a form of discipline, domination or humiliation.
Corporal Punishment:
Flogging, whipping, and spanking (as well as a few lesser-known arts such as caning and bastinado are all considered corporal punishment (CP). These areas of SM are related in that they each involve striking the body in order to cause pain or discomfort, along with other less obvious psychological and physiological effects. The various types of CP differ in the implement which is used and which part of the body is struck.
Flogging involves multi-stranded whips called floggers, whipping uses a single-tailed whip, and spanking usually uses either the bare hand or a paddle. Caning, obviously, uses a cane, often of rattan, and bastinado uses various types of small lashes and switches including the bastinado, a kind of lightweight cane.
Flogging and whipping are usually applied to the upper back, although that is not a hard and fast rule. Spanking and caning are usually applied to the buttocks and sometimes the upper thighs. Bastinado refers specifically to the beating of the feet.
Corporal punishment is practiced for different reasons by different people. It is practiced by sadists and masochists who enjoy the pain for pains sake and for purposes of discipline by those into consensual dominance and submission.
Training:
Training can range from sissy training to Mistresses who are seeking to train someone into the perfect slave to slaves seeking Masters to train them.
Tickling:
This involves a sexual arousal gained from tickling a sex partner or being subjected to tickling, usually to the point of helpless laughter. This often involves some sort of restraint or bondage to prevent the ticklee from escaping of becoming injured during play.
Often ticklees report that they like the "rush" when being tickled. This "rush" is both horrible and wonderful, like being punished and given a present at the same time. Tickling as a fetish often deals with control issues. Ticklers enjoy the feelings of control when tickling someone to distraction and the receivers enjoy giving up all control to the helpless laughter being tickled causes. The receivers often thrash around in wild abandon and often the ticklers are laughing as much as the receiver!
Initial tickling is erotic and playful, but continued tickling loses these features. Tickling involves submission; often the victim submits willingly at first and may even encourage the tickling. However, after the tickling begins a victim is helpless with uncontrollable laughter. Frantic struggles ensue to escape the tickling. The humiliation of not being able to stop laughing or avoid the treatment is intense.
Besides being actively involved as the tickler or receiver, this fetish can also involve excitement from watching others being tickled. This can also be expanded into the realm of child tickling which, in some prolonged cases, can be considered molestation.
GloryHoles:
A glory hole is a hole in the wall, or some type or partition (often between public bathroom stalls), that people use to engage in sexual activity or use to observe the person in the next stall over while they masturbate. In addition to the penis, fingers or the tongue may be inserted into the hole. The partition maintains anonymity, which is one of the main elements in anonymous glory-hole sex.
Balloons:
A sexual arousal to balloons. Often referred to as "looners", some looners revel in the popping of balloons and others may enjoy blowing up balloons, sitting or lying on them. Balloon fetishes may be thought of as a form of sexual imprinting. Many balloon fetishists regard balloons bursting as either essential to sexual gratification (poppers) to be avoided at all costs (non-poppers). For some, the adrenaline rush associated with the "danger" that a balloon will pop produces a sexual response.
Pony play:
Pony play, a subgenre of role playing. In pony play, power is exchanged between two people, one who assume the Master/Mistress role and the bottom who becomes the human pony. Pony play can combine bondage, discipline, dominance, submissive and even a little sadomasochism. There are three main types of ponies: cart, riding, and show ponies.
- Cart ponies are trained to pull carts or chariots.
- Riding ponies are ponies that can actually be ridden. Usually there are more men as riding ponies than there are women, simply because some women can't handle the weight, although it is argued that some of the most petite women actually make the best riding ponies.
- Show ponies are ponies that are based on their appearance, their form and style.
There are also subcategories of ponies, like rubber ponies, humiliation or "pleasure" ponies (used for sexual gratification), and "sissy" ponies (men dressed up as women).
Sex Machines
Machines fetish involves sexual arousal through sex with a sex machine or through watching someone have sex with a sex machine.
Medical Fetish:
This involves sexual arousal by way of objects, practices, situation or environments including a medical or clinical nature. Often involving sexual roleplay, medical fantasies can include a hospital or medical scene involving sex partners assuming the role of doctors, nurses, surgeons or patients. Medical fetishism may involve sexual attraction to medical practitioners, medical uniforms, hospital gowns, anaesthesia, intimate examinations (such as rectal examination, gynecological examination, urological examination, andrological examination, rectal temperature-taking), catheterization, diapering, enemas, injections, insertion (such as suppository insertion, menstrual-cup insertion, and prostatic massage), medical devices (such as orthopedic casts and orthopedic braces; see also "Abasiophilia"), dental objects (such as dental braces, retainers, and headgear), medical restraints, and medical gags.
Giantism:
This involves sexual arousal by way of fantasizing about giants, more commonly giantesses (giant females). Typically it is a male fantasy, with the male playing the 'maller" part-entering, being dominated, or even being eaten by the larger being. Others involve partners who naturally have a significant difference in size. Giantism often involves aspects of Domination and submission.
Lactation:
Erotic lactation is sexual arousal by breastfeeding on a female's breast. Depending on the context, the practice can also be referred to as adult suckling, adult nursing, and adult breastfeeding. Practitioners sometimes refer to themselves as being in an adult nursing relationship (ANR). Two persons in an exclusive relationship can be called a nursing couple, though this term is also sometimes used for a mother and her child.
Pregnant:
Having a sexual interest/experiencing sexual arousal by way of the pregnant female body.
Trampling:
Trampling refers to the sexual activity that involves being trampled underfoot by another person or persons. Because trampling can be used to produce pain, the trampling fetish for some adherents is closely linked to sadomasochism.
